About the Author - Tera Lea Day, CLSC, CHT has been teaching Anger Management Awareness since 2009. She is a Certified Master Practitioner NLP Life Coach with extensive training. Her background education and degree are in Medical Management and Administration. In her 25 years of management, communication was a key component of behavior change in the workplace. Currently, Tera uses all her knowledge and training helping clients to implement the tools and techniques she learned to develop new communication skills and more successful, fulfilling business and personal relationships.
"In the heat of the moment" -
Have you ever heard yourself say those words after an angry outburst? When angry we say things - “in the heat of the moment”- that we want to believe weren’t intended to hurt. Or is it that we just want the other person to feel the pain that we are experiencing right now?
How often do we forget that words we said in anger can be sharper than knives? Words cannot be retracted from the wounds they create. The bruises created by a physical punch will eventually heal with some memory of the pain. The bruises to the unconscious will most often remain for a lifetime. Usually, the ones who are on the receiving end of our verbal punches are the ones we love the most. Why is that? Perhaps we have not learned to communicate the pain that we feel - “in the heat of the moment”. Lashing out with angry words brings a similar pain to those around us. Is that fair? They didn’t ask for the verbal beating. In the moment that we chose to lash out, we bring others down to our level and who better to do that than the person who knows their most vulnerable spots.
Now step back and think about the wounds you carry that resulted from the verbal punches from others. It doesn’t feel so good, does it? What if someone told you that you can stop this cycle? Today is the day you can choose to make a change! Learning to communicate how you feel in a healthy way allows others to hear your pain rather than feel it with you. They can now give you loving support, comfort and understanding, which is what you really need. Learning to speak in terms of how it is for you may make you feel vulnerable, however, look at it as gaining strength and courage while learning to own your feelings “in the heat of the moment”.
When you use “I Statements”, you have a communication technique that allows you to state how it is for you. Your “I Statement” is not intended to be soft or nice, nor should it be rude. It’s about being clear on how it is for you. A good “I Statement” is sure to change the situation in some way, and the good news is that it will truly make a difference in how you feel and that on its own can alter the situation. Practicing this positive, results-oriented communication technique will allow you to feel in-control in a good way. Learning to own your feelings is powerful. So, the next time you are - “in the heat of the moment” - remember that only you can choose your words. Learn the positive power of communication.
Learn more about “I Statements” @ http://humanpotentialcenter.org/Articles/IStatements.html
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