​        Sometimes it is necessary to move forward, change course or let go when you have been pursuing a particular course or goal for a while. This is always difficult, and especially when we may feel we are giving up on something that is or was important to us. How do we decide if and when it is the right thing to do? 
         The idea that we need to keep going, “never give up - you will eventually succeed” is drilled into us and when something is important, we definitely don’t want to give up too soon and fail to achieve a goal we have worked for and really want to achieve.  However, things do change. Priorities can change, new opportunities may present themselves or information may come to light that changes your goals, desires, priorities or perspective on something. How do we know when it is not only time, but necessary to make the shift and let go of an old vision, in order to pursue a new direction and new or different vision? This is not quitting, but something else. It is not that we feel it is too hard, out of reach or we have self-doubts about our ability to achieve the goal. It is realizing that something has changed and as a result, it is our desire and in the best interests of our highest good, according to our values and intuition to move in a new direction.
         Giving up one valued vision and replacing it with something new that now feels right for us, is not easy, but sometimes we need to make this tough decision. It becomes easier if we are in touch with and trust our intuition, but fighting with our logical reasoning may still be a battle. Is there a process that we can go through to make this decision feel better and make it easier for us to “turn the page”, so to speak?
         There are definitely some questions we should ask ourselves and possibly some assumptions and beliefs we need to evaluate and question in order to make this process move forward and feel we have come to a valid and necessary decision.  I am at such a point in my own life now and I have recently watched a couple of other people go through this difficult, but necessary process, so it has been on my mind as to how we can proceed with the least amount of difficulty, knowing we are doing what is right for us and not quitting or giving up on a prior goal. There are a number of circumstances in life that tend to lead to these types of changes and then there are the ones where we are propelled forward by something previously unacknowledged or some amazing opportunity.  Some of the circumstances that may lead to the necessity to make a change in direction are things like health, the death of a spouse or loved one, divorce or dissolution of a marriage or partnership or a change in economic status for any number of reasons. These are circumstances that we do not generally choose, but they are thrust upon us by life and we have to adapt.  They can leave us in complex circumstances that require us to change direction and reevaluate previously set goals and aspirations. The whole framework on which those goals and aspirations were based has changed and we must see things in a new context and move forward with a new outlook.  Many people have made these kinds of transitions and changed their goals, plans and the course of their lives in adapting to them. It was what they had to do to move forward and not quit on life. 

​       It can be very much the same when we make a change and decide to go in a different direction for reasons that are not so obvious or are more a matter of choice than those thrust upon us by life circumstances.  We are still seeing a significant shift in the parameters that we previously used to set our goals and aspirations, and therefore a need to reevaluate and consider a different direction.  It can be due to a perspective that we did not previously see, a change in some contributing factor or an opportunity that did not previously exist or was not part of our awareness.  It can also simply be the passing of time.  Many people as they get older and realize they have less time to live will change their priorities. This is a matter of coming to terms with an inevitability that always existed, but we had not considered it in the same light and deciding that perhaps one thing is more important to us than another.  We can not always have everything we want or aspire to and it sometimes becomes necessary to decide what is more important.  Do you want to travel or invest in an expensive hobby?  Is it more important to have money in the bank or experiences and stories to remember? Is owning our dream car or a home with a view a priority or would we rather spend time doing things we love with family and friends. Sometimes we can do both, sometimes we need to make a choice, even when it comes to our dreams and goals.
      Asking ourselves the tough questions to become fully aware of what our values are and what is most important to us is the key to making these decisions and feeling comfortable with “turning the page” and moving forward.  You have to really know that you are following your bliss and not giving up something for something lesser.  When you know you are choosing what you value most, you will be able to move forward without regret and know you are doing the right thing. Even when the decisions are hard and something is left behind with perhaps, bittersweet laments, you will know it is the right thing for you right now!  So, turn that page and get started on creating your new journey and masterpiece story! 

About the Author:  Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW is a colorfully creative journalist, inspiring transformational speaker, licensed social worker, interfaith minister, editor, radio host, BLISS coach, event producer, Cosmic Concierge, the author of The Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming The Ordinary Into The Extraordinary and co-author of Embraced By the Divine: The Emerging Woman’s Gateway to Power, Passion and Purpose. She has also contributed to several anthologies and personal growth books. Edie has interviewed such notables as Ram Dass, Wayne Dyer, Debbie Ford, don Miguel Ruiz,  J Marianne Williamson, Grover Washington, Jr., Noah Levine, Shirley MacLaine, Dennis Weaver, Ben and Jerry and His Holiness the Dalai Lama.  She calls herself an Opti-mystic who sees the world through the eyes of possibility. Edie writes for The Huffington Post, Psych Central, Beliefnet, Elephant Journal, The Good Men Project, Expanded Family, Meaningful Mom, Bucks Happening, Montco Happening, Hunterdon Happening, as well as a growing number of other venues. Edie is the founder of Hug Mobsters Armed With Love, which offers FREE HUGS events on a planned and spontaneous basis. She also facilitates a workshop called Cuddle Party which is a 3 1/2 hour opportunity to engage in safe, nurturing, non-sexual touch by consent. Communication and boundary setting skills are taught as well.  www.opti-mystical.com 

        Like many who are reading this, I am a Renaissance person, a serial entrepreneur, what I refer to as ‘professionally polyamorous,’ with many overlapping career paths offering financial support and emotional gratification. It has been this way for as long as I can remember. Throughout my adult life, I have been a lifeguard, swim team coach, massage practitioner, teacher for adults and children, practice patient for a medical school, social worker, addictions counselor, bereavement specialist, therapist, ice cream parlor scooper, waitress, artists’ model, clown, life coach, journalist, editor, book author, magazine publisher, interfaith minister, radio host, event producer, PR Goddess, greeting card writer, organ donor educator, support group facilitator, as well as active volunteer. I refer to myself as a ‘Cosmic Concierge,’ which means that I am well connected and know how to help people find resources.  My path continues to unfold before me.
        Periodically, I find myself (or lose myself) in feeling as if I am not doing enough fast enough for my nagging, nudging inner critic. That’s when I do something that I recommend for overachieving Type A’s…I Google myself! When in doubt, you can check it out too. You may be surprised at what you have accomplished.
      When I do that, I got a goofy grin on my face as I shook my head and think, “Wowie, that woman is busy!” When I can view myself from an outsider’s perspective, I can allow myself to relax, at least for the moment. Then, in typical fashion, I am off to the races again.  I chalk it up to being the daughter of a mom who, in my early childhood, worked from home as an Avon Rep., gate guard at our community pool in the summer, columnist for our local newspaper and designer of doll clothes. I would laugh at the cosmic coincidence that her boss for that last job was Mrs. Handy. In addition, she too was a volunteer, at the hospital, with Girl Scouts, and at the elementary school my sister and I attended. When Jan and I were old enough to be latchkey kids, she went to work as a switchboard operator at Sears until she retired at 65.  My father focused on one job for decades as a milkman for two different dairies and then shifted gears (no pun intended) and became a bus driver for SEPTA (the regional transportation company). Both instilled in me a sense of responsibility and told me that I could do whatever I wanted professionally as long as I enjoyed it and could support myself. They never said it would be single focused, thank goodness. Not sure how someone can remain in the same job for a lifetime. My curious mind is always reaching for new ideas. 

​       As the Grammy and Academy Awards have just occurred, I found myself fascinated with the success stories that played out on the screen. There was a time when each of these folks were not household names. I was delighted to hear that Brandi Carlile won Best American Roots Performance and Best American Roots Song for “The Joke”, and the album the track comes from, By the Way, I Forgive You, was named Best Americana Album. I initially heard this kick ass singer songwriter on member supported Philly based radio station WXPN around 10 years ago. The stirring song honors people who are marginalized and endangered, being seen as out of the mainstream. 
Rami Malek who rocked the screen and world as he embodied Freddie Mercury in the epic Bohemian Rhapsody was handpicked after being seen in the television show Mr. Robot. It was the role of a lifetime and likely will catapult his career even further.
          These are just two examples of those who likely had big dreams that they fed, watered and nurtured. I wonder who was on their team of yaysayers and if they faced naysayers who told them they wouldn’t reach that pinnacle. When I hear acceptance speeches, I am touched as award winners thank their families, friends and colleagues who lifted them aloft.
         In my own life, are many who fall into the first category and blessedly no one in the second group. Despite that, I still waver and doubt that my own vision for my life will play out the way I desire, all evidence to the contrary. It’s then that I turn to tried and true tools.
        One is what my friend Ruth Anne Wood calls Scripting For Success which is a vast toolkit of ideas to bring to here and now reality what we may only have mused about casually.
 
How to cultivate your glorious garden:

• Decide the crop you want to harvest. If you want watermelon, don’t plant tomatoes. You can’t get what you want, until you know what you want.
• Prepare the soil. Don’t plant on rocky, litter strewn surfaces. It is unlikely that any healthy crop will take root.
• Design the pattern and layout. Sure, scattering seeds randomly may yield something, but is it what you envisioned?
• Dig deep. If you place the seeds on top, they will blow away in the wind, or wash away in the rain.
• Weed out discontent and doubt or they will choke out the new growth.
• Nurture what is there, showering it with love and praise.
• See the finished product even while it is in process; keep your eye on the prize.
• Sometimes ‘shiny new object syndrome’ will kick in and distract you, in part as a way of protecting you from fear of failure.
• Have accountability partners who will keep you on track. These are folks who will remind you of your commitments.
• Create mini-goals for yourself if tackling intentions all at once seems too daunting and enjoy checking them off.
• Offer yourself small rewards for these micro milestones.
• Spend time with those you admire who have reached their goals and keep climbing higher. Remember that birds of a feather flock together.
• Remember that one hand washes the other, so it is important to be of mutual support to others. Don’t make it all about you even as you are being ‘shamelessly self-promoting’.
• Find a mentor. For the past 30 some years, Dr. Yvonne Kaye has been mine. From the get-go, she inspired me with these simple words, “Discipline is freedom,” which provided the structure from which my creativity could flow, and my free-spirited nature could emerge.
• Know that you are worthy to have your dreams and desires come to fruition.

Count me in as an ardent admirer and cheerleader!

​Kate Olson, CPC, CHt, is a Life Coach, Integrative Master Hypnotherapist, EFT & NLP Master Practitioner & Trainer and Reiki Master located in Seattle, at Northern Lights Life Coaching www.northernlightscoaching.net & Embrace Change Hypnosis & NLP www.embracechangehypnosis.com.  Kate offers workshops & classes, as well as, individual and group coaching. Her emphasis is on assisting clients in finding Path, Purpose and Peace. Kate focuses on integration of mind, body, spirit wellness. It is her mission to help clients find joy through connection, creative expression and embracing change.  She is passionate about creativity, travel, personal growth and enjoying life. She has two other wellness-related businesses Salt Works Pods, offering Salt Therapy and Total Wellness Products. offering natural healing products. All four businesses operate as Dba's under Total Well Resources, LLC.  Kate is a speaker, author and retreat facilitator.  She is also a radio show host on Contact Talk Radio, www.ctrnetwork.com/embracechange hosting "Embrace Change with Kate ".  

          We are by nature creatures of habit. Habit as defined by the dictionary is “an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary”, and forming a rote and ritual pattern of behavior is part of our learning and development process and how our brain works in all of our learning processes. Neural pathways are formed by repeated behavior. After enough repetitions an action or behavior becomes natural and given the same stimuli, we perform that act or behavior without even thinking about it. It simply seems like the right, natural and correct thing to do. Habits have gotten a bad rap and sometimes we think of them only in the negative sense because so many of them are formed without intention, starting when we are so young that we don’t even realize we are making a choice. When you are a baby and you feel hungry you naturally cry, signaling distress and discomfort. You don’t think about it, you just do it. However, it doesn’t take long before you learn that crying gets a favorable response (in most cases) from your caretaker and results in you being fed and those uncomfortable feelings being relieved. You learn that crying results in a reward or favorable response so crying becomes a habit whenever you feel uncomfortable, a need or a want. This makes habits well-rooted in our behavior and often difficult to change, however, the good news is we can just as easily cultivate good habits as we can bad habits.
         According to Neuroscience, there is an area of the brain that deals with the formation of habits and as I mentioned that involves forming new neural pathways. Research has determined that it takes about three weeks to form a new habit. (Sharon Eakes, The Systems Thinker, www.thesystemsthinker.com) if we repeat a behavior consistently over a period of three weeks it forms a new neural pathway or circuit in the brain and becomes an unconscious response and what we call a “habit”. This is really good news as it gives us evidence that it is not necessary to spend a lot of time fighting or trying to change “old habits” which are no longer serving us, but that we simply need to form a new “more positive and desirable” habit.  By doing it repeatedly for about three weeks, that newer, stronger neural pathway will replace the old one. This is also a natural part of our learning process and we do it on a regular basis as we are growing up without thinking about it consciously. 

         I mentioned that a baby learns to cry when they are hungry to communicate need and discomfort. Over time this becomes a habit whenever the baby feels discomfort, need or want. As the child grows and develops other ways of communicating this feeling and state develop. The crying behavior becomes undesirable, unacceptable or annoying and the child learns a new response to communicate discomfort, need or want. They don’t consciously think about this in most cases, but the feedback they are getting stops working in a rewarding and positive way and they learn that other behaviors are more effective and as they start repeating those more acceptable and effective behaviors, in a short time they learn that asking for food verbally is working better and it becomes the new habit when they feel hungry. Any parent who has ever tried to force a child to stop crying will be able to tell you just how daunting a task that is. However, giving the child a new behavior to perform and practice when they experience certain feelings works marvelously well.
​
    “Moral excellence comes about as a result of habit. We become just by doing just acts,
     temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts.” --- Aristotle

       While many habits are formed without conscious intention, it is also possible to form new habits by intentionally repeating a specific action or behavior over and over again until it forms that new neural pathway and becomes a habit. There are some tips that are very helpful in forming new habits:

• Focus all of your energy on creating the new behavior and pay no attention to stopping, resisting or changing the old habit. Our energy goes where we focus our attention.
• Imagine yourself doing or already having the new behavior or habit. See yourself as you wish it to be. 
• When you are faced with frustration, annoyance, fear, anger or any other feeling related to the “old habit” note that feeling by stating it. Say, “I feel angry” or “I feel frustrated” out loud or silently and you will find it dissipates or clams the feeling. 
• Neutralize negative feelings by being self-compassionate. For example, say “Even though I still carve sugar, I truly and completely love myself and respect my body with loving acts.”  This will help you get back on track when you stumble or feel weak.

 
      The very best discovery that has been validated by recent studies is that “you can teach an old dog new tricks” and it is possible to form new neural pathways throughout our lives. This is called neuroplasticity and tells us that we can form new habits through out our lives and the more we do so, the healthier our brains will be and stay as we age. We never become to old to change and new desirable habits that serve our current needs and goals can be cultivated throughout our lives.   

About the Author: Dr. Anna Margolina is a Master NLP practitioner, Licensed Trainer of NLP, hypnotherapist, scientist, Author & Speaker.  She graduated from the Russian State Medical University in Moscow Russia in 1996. Anna has worked as a science editor and science writer for the Russian Cosmetics and Medicine Journal since 1997. She published a number of books in Russia on science-based skin care. Anna moved to Seattle in 2001. In 2009 while dealing with personal issues, she became interested in NLP and hypnosis and was certified in 2013. Currently, Anna is developing a program for women who want to look younger and more radiant using the power of their unconscious mind. www.agelesswithhypnosis.com  

How I realized I had a happy childhood.
       I was attending my first seminar with Dr Richard Bandler. You can imagine my excitement. I was in a presence of a living legend – a co-creator of Neuro-linguistic Programming. Probably the best part of NLP seminars is watching volunteers being brought on stage in various degrees of distress and misery. This time, Dr. Bandler selected a very prim and proper looking young man in a business suit with a red tie. I watched with fascination as this very serious-looking man started giggling and then laughing and beaming, as he was led into hypnosis from one pleasant, joyful memory to another. Those were not small reserved smiles! Oh, no! That man was glowing and glistening with delight! When Dr. Bandler finally had him face some disturbing events in his past, the man apparently couldn’t remember how bad it felt in the first place. His whole attitude changed. He didn’t even look the same!
      Then Dr. Bandler looked at the rest of us with a twinkle in his eyes and said, “Here is what I want you to do. Grab a partner and do with each other, what I just did on stage.”  I raised my hand with a question.
“Yes?” asked Dr. Bandler.
“Dr. Bandler! I cannot do this exercise!” I said.  “You said, ask them to remember a good memory, but I have no good memories. I didn’t have a happy childhood!” And with this, to my own astonishment, I broke into tears. Here I was, at the NLP seminar with Dr. Richard Bandler, bawling my eyes out, sniffling, my shoulders shaking, making a spectacle of myself. No, I didn’t want to go into my past. I locked that door. How could he not see that I couldn’t bear facing my pain, my fears, my struggles. Just one memory, which immediately popped into my mind, brought a waterfall of tears. That, alone was enough to ban time travels.
         In this memory I was in a school yard, looking at three bullies, who were laughing and pointing at me, as I tried to say something in my defense. The problem was, I couldn’t, because I stuttered so badly, all I could do is to struggle and stomp my feet and clench my fists, which apparently was hilarious. It is hard for me to imagine that at this point I truly believed that I had a terrible childhood and didn’t have even a glimpse of joy.
       Intellectually, I knew I must have had some good things happen to me, but I also knew there were experiences I didn’t want to revisit. It is so hard for me to imagine that time when I didn’t know that our past could be changed, re-invented, re-experienced, re-evaluated and re-enjoyed. As Dr. Bandler likes to say – it is never too late to have a happy childhood.
       In order to change the past, we first need to find the original recording or memory of the event. Not the later narration or rationalization. I mean the original sensory experience. Whatever experiences you were sensing with your eyes, ears, nose, skin, taste buds, olfactory sensors, and whatever was felt and experienced in the moment as the event unfolded. This can be done through various hypnotic techniques, such as the affect bridge, timelines or various metaphors.
      In the affect bridge technique, a person is asked to travel from the most recent event, that caused a particular emotion, to more and more recent events linked by the same emotion. I see in my mind such events as islands, connected to similar islands through bridges. Each bridge is made from a certain emotion. You can imagine walking from one island to another way into the past, until you reach the very first episode, where this emotion was first experienced.
          In the timeline technique, you imagine your life as a road. You either walk back into your future, or you float above the timeline, until you find this first event. Some metaphorical techniques include turning pages of the book of your life, walking through the long hallway with many doors leading into your past events, walking down the spiral staircase from one memory to another etc. Whatever technique is chosen, it has to accomplish one important task – revivifying the original sensory experience. It is a good practice to teach a person (or yourself) to step out of the sensory experience into the observer position, if the emotion becomes overwhelming.  When you realize that you can always reduce the intensity of a feeling by stepping out of the sensory experience into a more detached viewing point, emotional time travel becomes much easier.
It is important to treat this past event as if it is happening now, in a sense it is.  Always use the present tense, when talking about the event. Our brain is not that good at distinguishing real events from vividly imagined or remembered events. Whatever we imagine, affects our feelings and even our mind and body, as is it is happening now.  
However, the power of the hypnotic time travel is that we can make changes. For example, what will happen if a person reexperience the memory, while having a different neurochemistry? What will happen if this person is given new knowledge to help form new, more up-to-date, more functional and more useful beliefs about the event?  

​        This is exactly what Dr. Bandler did for that young man on the stage in his example. He made the young man laugh and he led him through a sequence of delightful, pleasant memories, which saturated his body with feel-good neurochemistry. The curious thing about neurochemicals is that it takes a while to make them and reach the point of saturation, but once you accomplished this, it also takes a while to flush them out of the body. When we look at the same traumatic experience from a much more resourceful state, with much more knowledge and much more life experience, we can find new ways to respond.
       I was back in the school yard, looking at my tormentors. Only now, I was looking at this experience from a more resourceful state.  I knew I survived. I knew, that eventually I graduated from the Russian Medical University, got my Ph.D., moved to the U.S., studied hypnosis and developed a fascination for the powers of the human mind. I felt strong and I felt compassion for myself and even for those three boys, who couldn’t feel compassion because nobody taught them how to feel it. No one had probably shown them any compassion. I felt proud of that young girl who had such a challenging condition and was able to accomplish so much! Pride and compassion will give you a pretty good dose of neurochemistry! What if you add a splash of gratitude, a touch of joy and a generous dose of unconditional love? Hey, it is your brain, you can do anything you want in hypnosis!
And as if the door opened and was flooded with luminous light, a flow of memories – not pain, but of joyful shenanigans and fun adventures – took over and spread all over my timeline. I did have a happy childhood! How could I ever believe that I was a miserable child?
       Now, looking back, I feel horrified that I could live my entire life being afraid to open the door into my past. I feel so relieved that I escaped the sad fate of carrying baggage full of painful memories and miserable emotions into every relationship. It is very unfortunate that so many classically trained therapists still believe that it is important to make a client relive their most painful experiences again and again in order to get insight and understanding.
       From what we know now, from modern studies in Neuroscience, all it does is to create less resourceful states and saturate the body with even more stress and pain inducing neurochemicals.  It is very difficult to gain new insights if we look at the same memory with exactly the same internal states and from the same perspective. NLP and hypnosis do away with that painful reliving of painful memories. Once you change the neurochemistry of the memory, it will never be the same. We don’t like hearing the same joke. So why reexperience the same pain?
      Would you like to discover how you too can now have a happy childhood? Would you like to find out how much fun and pleasure you can remember, reexperience and reclaim and dig out your good memory treasure chest? As Dr. Bandler likes to say, there is delight at the end of the tunnel. And when we start thinking, instead of remembering, when we start using our brains with purpose, when we fully decide to take control of our thought process, we can leave behind the darkness of misery and fall in love with every moment of our beautiful and delightful life.  

​Kate Olson, CPC, CHt, is a Life Coach, Integrative Master Hypnotherapist, EFT & NLP Master Practitioner & Trainer and Reiki Master located in Seattle, Northern Lights Life Coaching www.northernlightscoaching.net & Embrace Change Hypnosis & NLP www.embracechangehypnosis.com.  Kate offers workshops & classes, as well as, individual and group coaching. Her emphasis is on assisting clients in finding Path, Purpose and Peace. Kate focuses on integration of mind, body, spirit wellness. It is her mission to help clients find joy through connection, creative expression and embracing change.  She is passionate about creativity, travel, personal growth and enjoying life. She has another wellness-related business offering Salt Therapy, Salt Works Saltariums.  Salt Therapy offers an all natural treatment solution for respiratory and skin problems.​ All three businesses operate as Dba's under Total Well Resources, LLC.  Kate is a speaker, writer and event facilitator.  She is also a radio show host on Contact Talk Radio, www.ctrnetwork.com/embracechange hosting "Embrace Change with Kate ".  

​        Boundaries and limits are of primary importance to our health, well-being and happiness. They are the basis for self-care, self-esteem and self-love. When we fail to set boundaries and limits, we allow our lives to spin out of control and are unable to maintain the lines that define our needs, self-perception and place in our world. It is our job to define the boundaries of what behaviors we will allow from others and the limits of our own behaviors. Think of boundaries as the rules we enforce on others in interacting with us to keep us feeling safe and respected. Think of limits as the rules we impose on ourselves to keep us behaving in alignment with our standards and with the acceptable standards of others.
        What happens when we don’t have strong boundaries and limits? We get pushed around and end up feeling out of control or we end up pushing the boundaries of others in unacceptable ways. Either way we are out of balance and will feel overwhelmed, exhausted and disoriented or out of alignment.
        How does this happen? It usually happens when we say “yes” when we’d like to say “no”, do things we really don’t want to or allow others to infringe on our space, push us to do more than we’d like to or feel comfortable with or be out of sync with our values.
        It has probably happened to most of us at some point or in some context, but most of us do learn that to be happy we need to have these boundaries and limits. Some people let this get out of hand though and it can lead to anxiety, depression and lack of direction, over-whelm and even physical and emotional illness. There is usually anger and resentment involved feeling that others are imposing their will on us. While this may be true, we are actually creating the situation in not taking the responsibility to establish strong boundaries and limits for ourselves.
        What can we do if we realize we have not set boundaries and limits for yourselves in a specific area of our life or in our lives, in general? It is not always easy to dramatically change our behavior patterns all at once. It is usually easier to take small steps changing one thing at a time and letting the people in our lives get use to the new behaviors, as well. There are tools, such as, hypnosis, NLP (Neurolinguistics Programming), EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) to aid in these behavior changes. These techniques take advantage of the way our brain works to make it easier to replace old habits and behavior with new behaviors and rewire our brains to make these changes automatic.
         If every time you go to lunch with a particular friend you find you feel exhausted and overwhelmed, ask yourself why? Are you letting them push you past your comfort level and failing to set the boundaries that align with your true feelings? To keep our boundaries strong, we have to be aware of our feelings and adjust our behaviors and what we allow from others on a continuous basis. We have to be tuned in to our inner voices and the messages we receive on a body, mind, spirit level. There is no other way to keep strong boundaries and limits and maintain harmony and balance in your life than listening to your inner wisdom and paying attention. Give yourself this gift. You deserve it!
          

About the Author:  Thomas E Ziemann is a motivational speaker and spiritual researcher. Tom delivers engaging, uplifting lectures on Relationships, Life Purpose, Meditation, and Anger Management. Both of Tom’s books; The Department of Zenitation: A Layman’s Guide to Making Spirituality Work in Real Life & Taming the Anger Dragon: From Pissed off to Peaceful have received critical acclaim from some of the finest spiritual authors, writers, and experts in their respected fields. Tom is a proud father of two brilliant daughters, married to his best friend, and a loving Cat Daddy for their 9 cats. He lives near Portland, Oregon      

Looking back; some 55 years which I’ve lived upon this big, blue beautiful marble in space; it’s remarkable where I’ve been as where I’ve come to. Had you known me in my youth; you would have seen a disheveled, wimpy, scared, black eyed and bruised, unconfident, small stature boy who perfumed the putrid stench of urine well into his early teens. The clumsy dork that everyone incessantly teased picked on and ridiculed.  That shy kid you loved to hate and beat the crap out of because it somehow made you feel superior. A dour boy whose unrequited love of his parents created a lifelong, angst replete with fiery rage from his uncontrolled “Anger Dragon” within that followed him into his middle age. That deep seeded anger left a wake of painful, loveless, tarnished relationships, a broken marriage and premature greying hair. The physical and emotional abuse inflicted by his parents had far reaching ramifications as well as deleterious effects.  Yeah, sadly that was me. I HATED who I had become; a self-loathing, sanctimonious, perfectionistic, pompous ass.
 
I get the question from time to time; “Tom, what the hell happened to you…from that timid little dormouse you used to be to an Enthusiastic, Motivational Speaker and Hope Broker?  What I will share in this brief chapter may not work for everyone; however, it did work for me.  Please join me on a brief sojourn          
                                     
 It was after graduating high school back in 1981, I met an enlightened man who changed my life. His name was Johnny Norman; a guidance counselor for the Chicago Public Schools as well as an accomplished Taoist Master. He never judged me; rather he graciously offered to take me under his loving tutelage. What made his teachings different from most other Martial art schools was that he concluded every class with a different type of meditation. He knew literally hundreds of different kinds. I was blessed to study under this incredible man for well over a year before joining the Navy. While Kung Fu helped my confidence. It was the meditation techniques which helped me focus my monkey mind and to find some inner peace. Still, the anger I was holding onto towards my parents darkly colored every other area of my life. I found myself to be an Anger-Holic. A perfectionistic “A ‘hole” …a total judgmental bastard. All for what? Why?
 
When I hit 50, many of the answers seemed blatantly obvious to me. What allowed me to finally face my inner demons were 2 things…First, the Big F   Forgiveness. Until I came to terms with the fact that my parents did the best they could within the awareness they had my life would never change.
 
It was as if a huge spiritual weight was lifted of my chest once I let go of all the self-pity I was harboring.  Secondly, I was finally able to object ably see myself in an unflattering light. The truth can be painful, yet it’s equally liberating. The question to ask yourself with brutal honesty is; “Can you handle the truth?”
 
Once I was emotionally and spiritually mature enough to accept myself as I was, it allowed the healing process to commence. For the first time in my life I was able to simply admit how screwed up I was. I took ownership of my past mistakes and made a vow to myself to change. To make right the wrongs I had done where possible and give back. Both of my earlier books “The Department of Zenitation” and “Taming the Anger Dragon” delve quite deeply into the processes which share more intimate details than time allows here. While there are no perfect prescriptions defining what makes one happy and how to heal oneself.
 

I will share a few things I found invaluable along my path.

​At 50, the healing began when I began to evaluate and deeply examine my beliefs; all aspects of my mental make-up…mental, emotional, spiritual, philosophical, political and so on. Not so much what I was carrying as factual for me; more importantly, why I believed so. How did I come to these preconceived notions? Were they still valuable to me? Had I grown beyond these preconceived ideas? Did they still have merit? Had I delved deep enough into their importance? Once I felt I had a good grasp of my beliefs, it allowed me to go deeper…
 
Who am I? Why am I here? Each question took me deeper, an existential quest so to speak. This line of questioning begged an honest answer; what was my life purpose? Once you can answer that, I promise you that your life will change provided you heed your inner calling. I immediately knew that mine was to help others define their own purpose. What’s yours?
 
When you are in touch with your core being, your answer will become apparent. You will have a choice; that point on your path; to go for your dream or not. Don’t worry what others will think about yours, that’s not important. What does matter is you took the time to contemplate why you are here. Don’t worry how you will accomplish your goal. Leave that to a higher power. Remember that there is nothing worth wild for free in life. One must work to make things happen.
 
You will know how important what you say is your life purpose by the amount of time you spend daily thinking about it and working towards its fruition. Once I defined my life purpose, it allowed a number of things to really sink in. First it helped me know myself deeper than ever before. It allowed me to love myself as I hadn’t previously experienced. What an amazing peaceful feeling! I speak not of a narcissistic love, but of an acceptance of all my good parts as well as my faults. No judging, just acknowledging them. This is a freeing exercise which I whole heartily recommend you doing.
 
You cannot love another fully without first loving yourself. Understanding one’s strength and weakness is invaluable as it shows us where to focus our attention on. Using one’s gifts to work on areas where we fall short is nothing less than magical. Being the right person will make finding the one a much easier task. I realize this may all be a lot to take on all at once, that’s not the purpose. Don’t try to conquer everything you’re unhappy with at once. Simply choose your battles as they come. Big changes and rewards come with time and daily focus on the problem. Taking time daily to add to your understanding of things will help immensely in rounding out one’s life.
 
I have a thirst for knowledge; an unquenchable desire to know something about everything. Not to be an expert on every subject, simply wise enough to be able to ask intelligent questions. Real wisdom is grown that way.
 
In my earlier years, I took things so personal. It ruined many burgeoning relationships. Not taking myself too seriously has been a blessing. As the great American Buddhist teacher, Pema Chodron often says; “Lighten up on yourself”. We generally receive the love that we believe we deserve, so open your heart to all possibilities.
 
Happiness…I could devote an entire book to this one. Happiness then is not about what happens to us; rather, it’s how we choose to respond to what happens to us.  One secret to happiness is to do what you like; the reward of a successful life is truly liking what you do. Happiness is not about having what you want; it’s about wanting what you already have. It is not determined by what’s happening around you, but rather what’s happening inside of you. It takes one area of one’s life to be off kilter to play emotional havoc. Maslow spoke in great depth about this fact in his hierarchy of needs.  The best definition of real happiness I’ve ever heard is; someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. Powerful wisdom indeed.                                                                      
 

​Let’s break this parable down. “Someone to love” can also be equated to something one loves. For our discussion I will focus on the relationship aspect. Relationships, good or bad, can have a profound effect on one’s emotional being. Having a significant other who you love is paramount to a long fruitful relationship. They can add many years of health as well. Believing you are worthy of having such a relationship is only part of the equation…once you get that dream partner that when the work begins.                                                                                           
 
Sadly, many people have chosen to stay in a lack luster relationship as opposed to being alone. They are dying a slow spiritual death by doing so.
 
No one can tell you what a meaningful relationship is; by discovering who you are will define what you’re looking for and what will create greater joy in your life. As I’ve discussed in “Taming the Anger Dragon” knowing you and your partners “joy triggers” will make finding and keeping a relationship blossoming a snap. Relationships are never easy, good ones are incredibly fulfilling. Timing plays a huge role in this so keep an open heart. Choosing the right partner is critical. Seek to be in a relationship where both partners never stop trying.
 
So, what’s the secret to creating lasting magical relationships? Mutual respect is the key. Act loving, enthusiastic; be in the moment when you’re with people.
Put that cell phone down when having a conversation. Use reflective listening to really understand what your partner means and their needs.
 
The perfection trap has doomed many relationships…, Don’t seek a perfect person, they don’t exist. Instead cultivate a relationship with someone who’s perfect for you; one who accepts you with all your faults, imperfections and visa- versa.  The starting point is not with your partner; it’s with you. If you are dissatisfied with yourself, I can promise you that you will never find a person who can truly and fully satisfy you.
 
Here’s a question to ponder; What’s more important in a relationship, to be loved or respected? Respected of course. Why is that true? Love is extremely important; you can love someone and not respect them however if you respect the other love is the byproduct.
 
OK, we’ve discussed the relationship portion of the 3 legs of happiness; Next let’s discuss the “something to do” aspect.  As the great neurologist and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl documented that people who have a reason to live generally do despite unfathomable obstacles. His message is simple; know what you love to do. One’s career can supply much happiness and self fulfilment as doing the thing that makes your heart sing. So how do you know what yours is? What do you love doing? A great exercise is creating your bucket list.
 
Creating a bucket list is one of the best ways to find out who you really are. Simply stated your list is nothing more than a specific list of every dream you’ve ever had. The key point is to not judge it. Allow your beautiful mind to flow. Let your deeply hidden wants and aspirations flow on paper. One’s latent talents can be cultivated and create incredible joy in ones later life. Be creative! Don’t let the lack of money or means to be a barrier on your list. As it’s been said, the universe conspires to make your dreams come true if you know what they are; want them with all your heart, not simply 100 other incompatible things. Burning desire combined with definiteness of purpose, specificity and action make dreams become reality.
 
Moving on to the “something to look forward to”. This simple act has allowed people from all walks of life to live longer, more fulfilling lives. If they could just make it to one more Christmas, to see their children get married, to see the birth of their grandchildren. The list goes on. Ironically a good number of the signers of the declaration of independence all died on July 4th, Coincidence? I think not. It’s my belief they all had a reason to go on. So, I ask you, what’s yours? We come now to the last part of this chapter. To make the case for how I got here from whence I came from is a daunting consideration; Put another way…                                            
 
“How I learned to dance through the Tsunami”.
 
When pondering my life, I can’t make one single argument identifying one incident that was the reason for setting me on my path. Certainly, many catalysts.      
 
I’ve learned that real forgiveness is a true healer. I don’t do it for the one who wronged me; I do it to give myself inner peace.
 
I’ve learned far more from my failures than my successes. I’ve had the good fortune to learn vicariously from others, in other words I didn’t have to experience what they did to glean the lesson or the hurt they endured.
 
As mentioned “Taming my Anger Dragon”, using anger and my pain for fuel was a necessary part in breaking my anger cycle and addiction. Coming to the realization I was miserable in my life gave me the courage to face my inner demons.
 
Taking calculated risks has added to my life 10-fold. In no way could I have accomplished anything without risking.
 
Music has been a soothing, life altering tonic; I use it daily to help calm my inner beast known as anxiety.
 
Daily meditation has been a lifesaving, sanity activity. Teaching meditation classes has made me a far better student. Learning proper breathing techniques has literally saved my health.
 
Making peace with past was a big part of the healing I required. Sharing my vulnerabilities on the written page has helped me enormously; the plus side was there are many others out there who also carried much of the same pain and fear I did. They can gain helpful insights by reading my plight without having to endure the same.
Being able to see myself in an unflattering light was the key part in coming to terms with my short comings, thereby accepting myself as I was and using my faults as a starting place for change. Taking the time to know myself completely was a tremendous gift to myself.
 
Realizing life isn’t fair helped me to become self-sufficient and strive to accept tragedies easier. Bad things happen to everyone. I am not being singled out by a vengeful God.
In life, there is no free ride; when I want more, I must work smarter/harder to obtain my dreams and desires.
 
Using gratitude as a part of my everyday existence changed my life immediately for the better. Taking time daily to appreciate where I am, how truly blessed I am, what gifts I have, who is in my life and all the gifts bestowed upon me right this second.
 
Practicing random daily acts of kindness to people who can never repay me has changed my life immeasurably.
 
Becoming my own best friend helped me create amazing friendships around the world, some stemming over 40 years!
 
To be able to ask others for help was a biggie for me.  As the old Chinese adage says: “He who goes through life with   a clenched fist receives nothing.”
 
Learning to delay immediate gratification has been a heaven sent, financially freeing realization.
 
Being able to share my deepest feelings with my wife and close friends without fear of having them judge me has been a miraculous experience. 
 
Learning to communicate effectively has certainly changed my life. Learning to LISTEN without trying to figure out what the other was saying before they finished was a big one for me. To give honest praise and appreciation to the people and employees in my life has been key to my success.
 
Writing down my goals has allowed me to live a fuller life than   I ever believed possible.              
Giving something back daily (even a kind word) may be the greatest gift to myself I’ve ever received.
 
Helping charities and non-profits raise donations has given me a deep sense of accomplishment; self-satisfaction that I only dreamt about in my early years.
Seeing the joy my sculptures create in the eyes of the receiver and onlookers has filled me with a great sense of joy.
 
Allowing the love that I have desperately sought my entire life to flow to me, rather than chasing it allowed me to give more love back than I ever believed possible.
Knowing and working daily towards my life purpose has given me inner peace. Helping others identify theirs has been beyond gratifying. Spending time daily with all nine of my wonderful cats has added many years of happiness to my life. Working in my garden and yard has created joy and satisfaction that come from seeing one’s effort pay off.
 
Home entertaining, cooking for my friends and family has been one of the greatest gifts I have ever given myself. Generosity begets the same.
Developing the passion deep within has pushed me to greater height’s than I believed I was capable of.
 
Keeping true to my deepest beliefs such as “The Truth is one and the paths are many” has helped me keep an open mind unhampered by prejudice and judgement.
 
Writing several books has been life changing to say the least. It helped develop my confidence and hopefully create joy for my readers.
 
Public speaking has given me the deep satisfaction of helping others find their own way.
Becoming a “Hope Broker” has added an indescribable joy which eluded me most of my life.
 
Finding the woman of my dreams late in life showed me that amazing things come to those who never gave up hope. By becoming the person, I sought rather than just searching for her has given me the loving marriage I had always desired.
                 
“I wish each and every one of you the inner peace you are seeking. Much Love.” --Thomas E Ziemann

​Stacie Prada was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 2008 at the age of 38.  Her blog, “Keep Doing What You’re Doing” is a compilation of inspiration, exploration, and practical tips for living with a chronic illness while living a full, productive, and healthy life with a positive perspective. It includes musings on things that help her adapt, cope and rejoice in this adventure on earth. Please visit her at http://stacieprada.blogspot.com/   

Keep Doing What You’re Doing! Can I do it?  Should I do it?  

        In each moment I start to struggle, I think about pushing and accepting my limits, and I think about whether I’m coming from a place of weakness or wisdom.  Everyone has limits, and people with chronic illnesses have an added layer of issues to consider.  I think it pushes us to be experts at monitoring our health, considering all of the risks and gains, and making wise decisions about doing what we think is best for us in each moment.
       If I go for a jog, I’ll monitor my body to see if I can do what I set out to do. If I struggle too much, I’ll debate with myself as to whether I need to change the plan.  If I feel awful when I wake up in the morning, I’ll tell myself that if I just take a shower I can see how I feel and adjust my day if needed.  When I plan for my future, I consider what’s likely, what I’m afraid may happen, and whether I’ll be able to live well emotionally and financially for anything within the range of possibilities, good or bad. 
     Just thinking about my options and spending time weighing what’s best in the moment takes energy.  My self-talk includes asking myself what would make me feel stronger in this moment.  If I realize that the words I’m saying to myself are making me feel weak, I try to think about what I need to hear to feel stronger.  How can I frame this situation into feeling like I’m deciding from a place of strength and wisdom?
       I might find myself thinking, “this is hard, why am I pushing myself, and all of these (fill in the blank) reasons make it silly for me to try.”
      I don’t want to be stubborn or expect too much, but I also don’t want to sell myself short. If I do less than I anticipated, it can feel like I’m succumbing to weakness.  Yet I think it’s important to consider that I may be exercising wisdom.
      It’s moments of weakness that push us to gain wisdom.  When things are easy, we don’t need to work smarter or get wiser.  We can muscle our way through them without much thought.  When things are tough, we can do without, find a new way, or change our 

expectations. When I realize I may not be able to do what I set out to do, I can tell myself I’m sick, I’m weak, and my future is going to be worse.  I might accurately tell myself that continuing to push myself will cause consequences not worth the gain. That if I do less today, it may help me avoid injury and it may help me be able to do more tomorrow. 
           I can be both weak and wise, and it can help me do better in the long run. 
         I ran a race after a really low point physically due to my Multiple Sclerosis.  A few weeks prior, my fitness ability was compromised by my MS fatigue to the point where walking half a mile was taxing and caused me to suffer.  I debated whether I’d need to call a friend to come pick me up and drive me home. It was a new low point for me physically, and I wanted to cry.  It startled me and depressed me. I chose to push myself to walk home, and I gave myself permission to go as slowly as I needed to get there.  I also gave myself permission to change my mind and change the plan at any moment along the way. I made it through, and looking back I think either decision would have been right for me. 
         I had a friend once say out loud at lunch, “I’m debating whether to have dessert.”  A few minutes later, she took a piece of cake and said, “I won.” I think either decision in a lot of situations could be judged as winning. There’s almost never a clearly right or wrong decision.  It’s just a million little decisions that add up to good or bad judgment overall.
        In the moment of any struggle, the decision may be the same whether it’s made from a place of weakness or wisdom.  What really matters is where my head is when I decide. When I’m struggling and not sure what’s best for me in the moment, it helps me to ask myself these questions:
      If I slow down or quit, will it help me in another way?  Will it maintain my health, my relationships or avoid injury?  Will it accomplish another goal I have?  Will it build strength, help with recovery, improve my relationships or save my sanity?  Will I have regrets if I stop now? Can I slow down and still accomplish the goal? Might I achieve the main reason for the goal another way?
     During the race I did, I asked myself a lot of questions.  I weighed how hard it was in the moment, and I assessed how much farther I had to go to the finish line. I asked if continuing would cause injury.  I decided that I could alternate between jogging, walking and running without hurting myself.  I focused on what I could do so that it drowned out the negative, demotivating thoughts swirling in my head.  I asked myself what I needed to hear in that moment to make me feel strong and wise.  The questions turned to a mantra, “You can do it…stride, stride, stride…good form…breathe in, breathe out…you got this…pace to finish strong…”
       It wasn’t all talk, and it wasn’t denial. I felt stronger, and I became stronger.  I ran with purpose, and I slowed down when it felt right.  I felt powerful both physically and emotionally.  

         With both the one-mile walk where I barely made it home without help and during the race where I found my stride, I asked the same questions of myself.  My performance was drastically different, and my ability dictated both experiences.  For the disheartening walk, I decided it was good that I tried to do it. Even though it was too much, I decided it was better that I tried and faced my limits than if I’d stayed home and not exerted any energy at all.  With the race I pushed up against my limits, backed off and pushed them again.  On that day, my body was ready to do more.  These two moments of weakness and strength were only weeks apart. In both of them I believe I practiced wisdom and poised myself to finish strong sooner or later. 
        These questions work for me with any decision I’m facing.  When I look within myself and am honest about the possibility that I’m acting from a place of fear and weakness, it helps me find my path to deciding from a place of genuine strength and wisdom. 
        Doing something or not doing it can come from any mindset, and it really matters what I believe to be true when I decide.  To someone else, the decision and outcome they perceive may be the same, but the intent behind it will determine whether I feel defeated or victorious. 

Kate Olson, CPC, CHt, is a Life Coach, Integrative Master Hypnotherapist, EFT & NLP Master Practitioner & Trainer and Reiki Master located in Seattle, Northern Lights Life Coaching www.northernlightscoaching.net & Embrace Change Hypnosis & NLP www.embracechangehypnosis.com.  Kate offers workshops & classes, as well as, individual and group coaching. Her emphasis is on assisting clients in finding Path, Purpose and Peace. Kate focuses on integration of mind, body, spirit wellness. It is her mission to help clients find joy through connection, creative expression and embracing change.  She is passionate about creativity, travel, personal growth and enjoying life. She has another wellness-related business offering Salt Therapy, Salt Works Saltariums.  Salt Therapy offers an all natural treatment solution for respiratory and skin problems.​ All three businesses operate as Dba's under Total Well Resources, LLC.  Kate is a speaker, writer and event facilitator.  She is also a radio show host on Contact Talk Radio, www.ctrnetwork.com/embracechange hosting "Embrace Change with Kate ".  

       What is Resilience? Resilience is the process or quality of adapting well to adversity, tragedy, trauma, loss and threats or other significant stressful circumstances. It is that ability to “bounce back” from difficult or challenging experiences.

     “That even in the face of the most shocking tragedy of my life, I could exert some control over its impact.” ― Sheryl Sandberg

      If there is one thing that is more important to inner peace and living a joyful life than anything else, it is resilience. Life is full of adversity and even if we look at it as a challenge and an opportunity, which it is, it will always be there. It is the ability to meet those challenges, to push past fear and move forward to bounce back from adversity that makes the difference in our lives.
       If we have resilience we can overcome anything and come back with our belief in ourselves and our ability to feel joy and gratitude intact. How do we acquire or cultivate resilience though? Where does it come from? Why are some people more resilient than others? Is it something we can develop or learn?
      To get to the core of resilience let’s look at how resilient people get back up when life knocks them down. These are the people that we look at with awe and can’t imagine going through what they have and coming out not only standing strong, but thriving joyfully. What are the core mental and emotional attributes that they possess that allows them to be resilient?  They are self-aware, authentic, confident, capable, self-reliant, optimistic, compassionate, resourceful and tenacious.
​
          “Resilience isn’t a single skill. It’s a variety of skills and coping mechanisms. To Bounce back from bumps  in the road as well as failures, you should focus on emphasizing the positive.” - Jean Chatzky
 
While there are different factors that incline one person to be more resilient than another, it can definitely be  learned or developed. Below are some of the ways to develop a stronger sense of resilience.
            1.   Keep a positive view of yourself and your abilities
            2.  Cultivate an attitude of possibility and opportunity
            3.  Maintain connections in your life.
            4.  Look for solutions, rather than problems
            5.  Accept and embrace change as a natural part of life.
            6.  Set and achieve goals
            7.  Take decisive and powerful actions
            8.  Maintain a hopeful outlook
            9.  Keep things in perspective and be objective
            10. Take care of yourself. Treat yourself with kindness & compassion.
            11.  Know your value and appreciate yourself.
            12.  Respect your capability
            13.  Be relentless! Keep going! ​

          What is “Joyful Resilience”? It is a mindset and a blueprint for living and overcoming the adversity that is inherent in our lives. We all have the capacity to be resilient and survive a great deal of adversity and emotional disappointment. We have the ability to let go of what has happened in the past and start again.  We have the ability to move forward and to be present in the current moment.  We have the ability to see not only the negative aspects of what has happened, but also the positive aspects that might be a part of something disappointing.  With all of this, we have the capacity to feel joy, even in the midst of the most devastating circumstances. We have the ability to smile when our heart is breaking, to laugh when we are filled with sadness and to reach out and hug someone when we feel like we can barely pull ourselves together. This comes from a will deep inside us that gravitates toward our natural desire to be joyful and happy. If we allow it, our body will move us through the worst of times back to this natural state of “joyfulness” that is at our core. It is the very acts of joyful expression –smiling, laughing, being aware of beauty and kindness that bring forth the chemicals to give us inner strength. If we are not set on staying in a negative and debilitating state of mind, we will naturally move toward those things that heal us, strengthen us and pull us out of the fog of adversity and back into the light of joyfulness. We will smile, we will laugh, we will respond to kindness, see beauty and appreciate the good that is always there and suddenly it will be bigger and more powerful than the adversity that is holding us down. This is our natural healing and our natural blueprint for getting through life and we all have this to carry us through if we will let it.  We just need to allow and believe in this process.  We just need to do the things that do not block us from our natural course of healing and recovery and we will find our resilience.
          How do we cultivate or develop this mindset of “Joyful Resilience”? It is a training or exercising process where we train our brain and our emotions to respond in certain ways.  It is similar to the way we learn or practice anything else. When we want our bodies to respond in a certain way, we train ourselves with consistent and repeated practice and if we are diligent we usually get the results we want.  It does not just happen with our emotional responses. It also takes a process of conditioning and practice to built the desired response patterns. Like training and conditioning our bodies to be able to respond in certain ways, we have the ability to do this with our mind and our emotions and that is what makes us strong, resilient and able to bounce back from adversity and return to a natural state of joyfulness.    
         There is actually science behind this.  When we practice behaviors mentally, physically and emotionally we rewire our brains and form new neuro-pathways. If we can smile, laugh and recognize beauty and kindness, we will actually experience chemical responses in our bodies that lead us toward healing and recovery. As we release serotonin and dopamine we change ourselves on the chemical and cellular level and move ourselves toward a positive and strong state of joy and this is all the natural course of our being. We need to expect and allow this to happen, rather than blocking these natural recovery resources. Not only do we need to allow the process, but like a highly trained athlete, we need to train and practice those responses to be our strongest and most joyfully resilient selves. 
​​
                                   “Joy, collected over time, fuels resilience." -- Brené Brown

About the Author:  Barbara Krauss is a STORYOGRAPHER. She is a steward of creative inquiry. Her work is an organic blend of creating and writing stories, gathering stories of others, and giving them a voice. Combining her expertise in coaching/mentoring, inspirational teaching, motivational speaking and facilitating workshops, she powerfully holds space where creative engagement thrives. She is most alive when enraptured by the organic flow and freedom of immersion in creative expression and invites others to join her in this realm.
        Her business is called The Centre for Organic YESipes (yes-a-peas), a place to learn, grow and become. A center for exploration, creativity and playful bantering. A space to simply hang out and be your essential authentic you.  http://www.barbarakrauss.com

           My passion is gathering, collecting, and sharing stories in an effort to heal women and transform the world.  We have all heard the advice to "Be Still" -- but today I'm going to share with you a story of stillness as a recipe – or what I call a YESipe - which you can follow for yourself.
            Imagine you are sitting around the kitchen table, trading recipes with women of many generations. Just as women do this to share their favorite ways to nourish their families, I shall share a recipe and invite you to try it.  See how delicious it tastes! 
          In Stillness there is still movement.  In Silence there is still sound.  The quality of their essence is splendid when we can taste and embrace the lusciousness of exactly what they are and how they nourish and soften our souls in the moment. This is a recipe for finding your center of calm, tranquility and ease.
Begin by being in the present.  Allow yourself to settle into your sacred space.  Soften your thoughts, open your heart and listen. Become the container from where your creation will be birthed.  Light some candles, put on soft music, prepare a cup of your favorite tea and begin to gather the ingredients for this most delectable experience. 

Gently fill your vessel with a tablespoon of the grounding of your breath and the delicate essences of:
 
• Sensations in your body
• Feeling your feet on the ground
• Experiencing the support of the earth and
• Relaxing with the ebb and flow of your breath
 
Next, add a cup of lengthening and relaxing and a spoonful each of:
 
• Expanding into the fullness of your being
• Resting into gravity and
• Giving access to your wisdom
 
         Gently stir all of the ingredients together. Ease your grip; release the need to hold yourself together.  When you have obtained the desired consistency of letting go, add to 2 cups of balancing your attention, ¾ teaspoon of energy in space and one tablespoon each of:
 
• Experiencing your body
• Feeling the space behind you; the space in front of you; to the right and to the left of   you, and
• Noticing the space below you and above you
 
       Finally add a cup and a half of invoking your intention. Blend in ½ teaspoon each of aromatic inquiries.  Include:
• What would it feel like if I had a little more ease in my being?
• What would it be like if I had more patience?
• What would it feel like if I had more compassion?
• For the sake of what do I want to respond in this moment?
 
         Bring a spoonful of your nectar to you lips and taste its magical spirit. Find your breath in the center of your belly. Notice what shifts in your body and mind. Pay attention to the nuances that arise spontaneously.  Be in your stillness.  Be in your silence.  Be in the moment.  Listen. 
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​About the Author:  Kate Olson, CPC, CHt, is a Life Coach, Integrative Master Hypnotherapist, EFT & NLP Master Practitioner & Trainer and Reiki Master located in Seattle, Northern Lights Life Coaching www.northernlightscoaching.net & Embrace Change Hypnosis & NLP www.embracechangehypnosis.com.  Kate offers workshops & classes, as well as, individual and group coaching. Her emphasis is on assisting clients in finding Path, Purpose and Peace. Kate focuses on integration of mind, body, spirit wellness. It is her mission to help clients find joy through connection, creative expression and embracing change.  She is passionate about creativity, travel, personal growth and enjoying life. She has another wellness-related business offering Salt Therapy, Salt Works Saltariums.  Salt Therapy offers an all natural treatment solution for respiratory and skin problems.​ All three businesses operate as Dba's under Total Well Resources, LLC.  Kate is a speaker, writer and event facilitator.  She is also a radio show host on Contact Talk Radio, www.ctrnetwork.com/embracechange hosting "Embrace Change with Kate ".   

​      What is Ego and why do we need to let go in order to have healthy relationships with ourselves and others?  Is ego good or bad? The dictionary definition would not indicate any negativity, so how and why is ego a problem.
 
       Ego – a definition of a person’s sense of their own worth, self-esteem, valuation or perception of self
 
      While the above definition does not say anything about ego that would lead someone to the conclusion that ego is negative in any way, it is the attachment of ego to situations and circumstances or occurrences in our daily lives that leads to much of our own suffering and unhappiness in life. There is really no need to make a judgement about ego, as being bad or good. It is tying it to what is happening outside of ourselves that causes problems and leads to judgement.
 
     For instances, when someone says something offensive or negative to us or about us, if we hold on to that and let it affect us, it is ego that we are giving in to and suffering as a result. Or, if we try to gain acceptance or approval from a group or a person and we are rejected or snubbed and we react to that in a way that alters the way we think of ourselves again, that is ego. If we allow ourselves to feel “less than” or “more than” based on their judgement, we are reacting to ego. Ego can also be an over attachment to our own interests, where they become our central motivation without concern or regard for others.
 
     It may be easier to understand what ego is not. Ego is not self-esteem. Ego may be attached to self-esteem, but it is separate from healthy self-esteem. Some people think you are talking about conceit, arrogance or over-aggrandization of self when you mention ego. Some call that having a “big head”— building one’s self up to unrealistic proportions in one’s own mind. This can be a part of ego, but it is not necessarily the only manifestation of ego and one does not need to be projecting this extreme characteristic in order to be bumping up against ego. There are less obvious and outrageous ways in which ego can be an obstacle to us and our best and healthiest presentation of self or healthy self-esteem. 

​      We are often dealing with ego when we feel resistance to something or someone that causes us to go against our own best interests or to be uncaring about the interests or intentions of others, sometimes reacting in a rude or unfeeling way to project a sense of superiority to others.  When you have a strong response to someone or something they are doing, it might be good to question whether you are bumping up against their or your own ego. It may or may not be the case, but it is probably a good starting place to look at. Looking at this aspect of yourself and learning to let go in these situations, will be a very freeing and self-affirming moment. When we see ego in someone else, it is almost certain that we should look at our own. We can never change to actions of another person, but if we are reacting to somethings perhaps that is a message and we can change our own actions and responses.
 
      Ego is selfish in a way that does not serve self well. It might involve anger or resentment and usually includes the need to be right and get the last word in. If you feel it in your body – there is usually a lot of tightness, you might feel shortness of breath and getting a headache or having pains in your neck and back are common physical manifestations. This can’t be good, right? Ego is an internal battle that is a no-win for anyone, if you decide to fight it out. The only way to win is to take a deep cleansing breath and let it go!  Whatever it is, -- just step back and let it go. It steals your peace and joy! That is really too high a price to pay.  Love yourself completely and hold yourself in the highest self-esteem. Let ego go and you will be happier and healthier!

About the Author:  Revital Shiri-Horowitz, is an author, poet and blogger. She was born and raised in Israel. Shiri-Horowitz earned a B.A. and M.A. in Geography and Hebrew Literature from Tel Aviv and Haifa Universities. Shiri-Horowitz publishes her books both in English and in Hebrew. “Daughters of Iraq” (2011) earned an award from “The Jewish Iraqi Heritage Center” in Israel. The book tells the female story of Jewish life in Iraq and immigration to Israel in the early fifties, after Israel was established in 1948. “Hope to See You Soon” (2014), is a women immigrant story, always divided between two homelands. Her new book, It`s Just Your Imagination speaks about her personal journey of growing up with a narcissistic mother. The book won a “Pinnacle Book Achievement Award” in the Self-Help category. Shiri-Horowitz lives in the Seattle area and still dreams in Hebrew.
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Website: www.revital-sh.com    
Twitter: https://twitter.com/RevitalHorowitz
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Revital-Shiri-Horowitz-108002329286503/  

 Growing up with a narcissistic mother – Insights of my personal journey

       Only at the age of forty-eight I came to learn “what was wrong with me all those years”. My mom came for a couple of weeks from Israel to visit my kids, my husband and me, and acted out like she always did. But this time something happened to me; I could no longer look at her the same way as before. I saw her actions that included lying, manipulating, and trying to get her way no matter what the cost to people around her. I saw her real self, which provoked lots of childhood flashbacks and wounds.  I found myself crying for hours, as my heart broke. I just could not understand how a mother who is supposed to treat her daughter with love behaves this way; I was a total mess!
     My husband found a therapist and dragged me to see her. It only took a few minutes, for her to say: “Look, it is not really you, it is your mother… She is a narcissist, and you were raised by a narcissistic mother”. I did not quite understand what she meant, so she gave me a few articles and a couple of books to read and sent me home. It has been a long five years since then - of understanding and healing myself - and during that process I wrote a book called It`s Just Your Imagination, something my mom used to tell me whenever I confronted her about a lie she just told, about things I saw she did, and she did not like what I had to say about them: “I did not say that. It`s just your imagination”, she would say to me. When you are being told again and again that everything is “Just your imagination” it makes you doubt yourself all the time. Maybe I did not really see what I saw, or hear what I heard, after all.
      This life changing journey I went through was not easy. Understanding you were raised by a narcissistic mother means that you were never loved by your own mother. While learning and understanding is super important in such a journey, it is only the first step in your journey. Healing the heart and moving on takes time and energy. There was a huge gap between the mind and the heart that needed to heal. “It`s Just Your Imagination” speaks about my process of learning, and understanding What it is, how it feels, mourning the childhood I never had, and becoming a much stronger person. I promised myself I will always do my best to help others, as this is my mission.
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​About the Author:  Kate Olson, CPC, CHt, is a Life Coach, Integrative Master Hypnotherapist, EFT & NLP Master Practitioner & Trainer and Reiki Master located in Seattle, Northern Lights Life Coaching www.northernlightscoaching.net & Embrace Change Hypnosis & NLP www.embracechangehypnosis.com.  Kate offers workshops & classes, as well as, individual and group coaching. Her emphasis is on assisting clients in finding Path, Purpose and Peace. Kate focuses on integration of mind, body, spirit wellness. It is her mission to help clients find joy through connection, creative expression and embracing change.  She is passionate about creativity, travel, personal growth and enjoying life. She has another wellness-related business offering Salt Therapy, Salt Works Saltariums.  Salt Therapy offers an all natural treatment solution for respiratory and skin problems.​ All three businesses operate as Dba's under Total Well Resources, LLC.  Kate is a speaker, writer and event facilitator.  She is also a radio show host on Contact Talk Radio, www.ctrnetwork.com/embracechange hosting "Embrace Change with Kate ".   

      There is a quote by George Bernard Shaw, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing!” I believe this is true and that play is important not only to keep us young and vibrant, but in all aspects of our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being. When we are children play is our job and our major way of learning, as well as, an emotional, physical and mental resource and outlet. This does not really change, just because we get older. When we stop playing, we are losing an important resource, outlet and form of expression. This does not have to happen and probably shouldn’t happen. In play, we use our imagination and creativity, as well as, testing our abilities on every level. Play has so many beneficial effects on our mind and body and is one of the main channels for growth.
       There are many forms of play using the whole spectrum of our skills and abilities and energizing every aspect of our mental and emotional expression. Science has proven the effects play has on us mentally, physically and emotionally. It is the same as comparable experiences that are “real” or not done in the form of play. It has also been shown that imagining an experience affects the body and mind similarly to the real experience. Have you ever imagined what something would taste like, feel like or look like? It can seem very real! I have had a dream where I was falling and woken up to find myself actually falling off of the bed or imagined a scary situation where I got chills. I have imagined how something tasted and actually found myself salivating. Most of us have had these very real feelings come about as part of play. Children naturally use play in a beneficial way to enhance their life experience and learn from those experiences. With these benefits, why do we stop playing, for the most part, as we become adults?
 

      Child’s play is definitely not just for “children only” and we all should make an effort to play more. Maybe our form of play may change or up-level to some degree, but we need to keep our minds and bodies engaged with creativity and imagination. It has been shown to keep the neural pathways in our brain growing and to slow deterioration and ward off disease.  When it comes to brain development, time in the classroom may be less important than time on the playground.
     "The experience of play changes the connections of the neurons at the front end of your brain," says Sergio Pellis, a researcher at the University of Lethbridge in Alberta, Canada. "And without play experience, those neuron aren't changed," he says. (National Public Radio, US. -  https://www.npr.org/sections/ed/2014/08/06/336361277/scientists-say-childs-play-helps-build-a-better-brain)
      Therefore, as we become adults and grow older how can we expect the brain to change modes and learn without this important imaginative and experiential tool. Play is very important to keeping our brain flexible and growing, which is called neuroplasticity. If you are interested in finding out more about the neuroscience of play, follow the link below and watch a video from the Aspen Ideas Festival with Stuart Brown talking about Neuroscience and Play!

https://www.aspenideas.org/session/neuroscience-play-what-play-does-you-and-your-brain-and-what-happens-you-if-you-dont-play

       Play has many different elements and other components which involve sensory experience can be part of it, like music, dance, games, humor and physical exercise or competition. It can be mostly a mental exercise, very physical, emotional or a combination of these. Play is an altered state and an exploration of “what ifs”, “could bes” and all that is possible. Play is random and spontaneous and an adventure in going beyond what is certain! Play gives context to chaos and helps us to understand our evolving world. It starts as nonsense and silliness that leads to discovery.
       If you want to defy aging or maintain a semblance of youth, play is probably the primary way that this can be done. It is probably the only reasonable way of staying both healthy and younger. So, keep playing in your life to live longer and enjoy life more while you are here. It will keep the brain synapses firing and that is key to awareness, alertness, learning and growth.
    “When children pretend, they are using their imagination to move beyond the boundaries of reality. "A stick can be a magic wand, a sock can be a puppet, a small child can be a superhero.” – Fred Rogers
     If we can keep that child alive in us and allow curiosity and play to flourish we, as Adults, have that same boundless possibility! 

​About the Author: Anne Hunter Logue was born in New Jersey, lived in Colorado and currently resides in Pennsylvania. Anne has studied the healing arts extensively. She is a Reiki Master, trained in Quantum Touch, certified Hypnotherapist, certified in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Healing Touch, a form of energy healing that was founded by a Colorado native, Janet Mentegen.  Anne’s ties to Colorado through Healing Touch keep her connected to the community, experimenting and developing new ways of creating change and new approaches to some of life’s curve balls.  Her practice is in her home in Pennsylvania and she has done workshops and healing fairs there.
        Anne’s father died when she was a freshman in college. One of the ways she dealt with this was through poetry, writing and art. She wrote a story about the sun, which was her way of figuring out who she was and what she was meant to do. The Story of the Sun was illustrated by Anne and is her view of life as a 20-year-old. That view still holds meaning for her and has become a way of connecting with children and helping them learn who they are and what they were meant to do.  It integrates her interest and love of the healing arts with her artistic side, bringing a refreshing look at life to the readers. The Story of the Sun was published in 2017 and is Anne’s first book.
       In addition to her advanced certification in Healing Touch, Anne has done extensive reading and reflection, including research on quantum physics and the holographic universe. She has done workshops and research in the Akashic Records, which are the virtual records that contain all of the information about us in our various incarnations and is a resource for incredible insight and healing. Bringing all of this information into resonance and integrating it with her personal experience has created a new way of experiencing reality. Her focus now is bringing that awareness and understanding to children. She has just finished a publicity campaign to reach audiences that may benefit. Her book has been translated into French and will soon be translated into Spanish. She has written another children’s book, which will be published in the near future.    

​Thinking about our lives, there are so many patterns that seem to repeat and repeat.  It is often difficult to distinguish who is the master and who is the student in certain situations. This is the subject I would like to talk about here. Many of you know that my family has been instrumental in teaching me these lessons, most especially my brother, Ken. Ken was diagnosed with leukemia in 2003 and we became very close during that period of time. I believe that he was and still is my teacher in this regard as I have learned such profound lessons from his illness, in teaching me faith, understanding and compassion and to some extent how the Universe works within us to create results.
     I learned during this very intense time that there are some questions that are important to understand when going through a time that seems to be challenging.  Learning these questions can help us to move through seemingly impossible situations with grace and even joy as we uncover more and more about ourselves and our role in the lives of those we come in contact with.  So, one of the most important aspect of our lives is relationship. We have relationships with EVERYTHING, not just the people in our lives. I came upon this fact and it has changed my understanding of many aspects of my life. For instance, we have a relationship with our home, what it means to us, how it can protect us and comfort us, how it can create security, etc.  Did you even think that you also have a relationship with money?  Who would think that how you view money would have an impact on your life and what you do and how you move through your life?  Is money an evil that is necessary for life?  Is money something that empowers you?  Where do you get money from?  From being “worthy”, from friends, from employers, from family members?  Where does it come from?  How is it used? To promote equality, help others, create comfort for you and your family, to demonstrate dominance, or mastery (maybe status?)  Consider these questions when you open your wallet next time to pay for something or pay a bill or want to plan for a vacation or trip.  Money, as with everything in our lives, is energy in action and how we appreciate it, use it for good and are grateful for the people who bring it into our lives, creates abundance and value for ourselves and others.
      So here is another consideration, what about our relationship with time?  When we consider how we spend time (interesting that is the same phrase used for money, spending) then we are conscious of our priorities and who and what we value.  Do we spend time taking care of our bodies, by eating healthy, exercising, doing fun activities, biking, canoeing, hiking, etc.?  Do we spend our time learning more about the Universe and our part in it through history, geography, politics, spirituality, etc.? Do we like to spend time watching TV, relaxing letting others do our thinking for us and be entertained? I think we can take a look at a lot of aspects of our lives and evaluate what we prioritize without even thinking about our intentions.  It is a valuable measuring device for us to find out what we value and how much we are invested in creating more value for ourselves and those in our lives.

​There is another important word that I have come to recognize as important and that is expectation.  We all have expectations.  We expect our family to love us and care for us. We expect to have enough food to eat and a safe and secure place to live, we expect to have friends and people to enjoy our lives with, etc., etc. These are familiar and worthy expectations.  When we create expectations of others and hold fast to these expectations and are constantly disappointed in the way others behave because they are not meeting our expectations, then that is a different matter. Truthfully, are we not all guilty of this exercise?  Expectations can drive many relationships, all of the relationships we have mentioned above.  Our love relationships are driven by expectations very often.  If we have a significant other, we expect certain things from them and can be very disappointed if (even without our communicating our needs or desires) the other person does not meet our expectations.  Our expectations about money is also a big example, as are our expectations of ourselves with regard to time.  We “should” be at a certain point in our lives by a certain age, have a certain degree of “success”, be spiritually enlightened, be popular, whatever, at a certain time in our lives.  So how we frame and use our expectations to enrich our lives or create disappointment and/or happiness because we have met our expectations regarding these issues.
     The importance of how we “frame” our experiences is something that I learned from my study of Neuro Linguistic Programming.  I have come to understand that it is not so much the situation, because we all encounter situations that are troubling to us, it is really our reaction to the situation that is crucial in determining our “relationship” to it and the outcome it will have either positive or negative in our lives.  I will give you an example of how our response to certain situations can affect us.  In using the recent election as an example, and depending on how you perceive  the outcome of the election, when you think of President Trump, does that create a sense of pride for you in America that he represents the values that you hold dear and want to fight for, or does his role as President create a dissonance for you, an injustice in the fact that you perceive his role does not identify the values you hold dear and he does not embody the kind of policies that you would like to see implemented? Chances are quite strong that whichever way you identify your concerns with the outcome of this election, that has to some extent, dictated your actions with regard to your role as an American citizen.  So, it is not really the situation in and of itself, it is your RELATIONSHIP to the situation and how that creates a response for you either of acceptance and harmony, security, comfort, etc., or dissatisfaction, resistance, change, inequity, etc. Your perception of this situation will be the driving force of how it affects you and the people around you.  When we think about change, do you realize that a “perfect” situation will not create change?  If everything is in harmony and balance, change will not occur, so change can only occur when there is an imbalance and we strive to bring things back into balance.  Interesting, huh?
     So, we see that our response to a situation is really more important than the situation itself.  We often cannot change a particular situation, but we can change and be aware of our response to it.  This brings me to another important factor and that is perception.  Have you ever been reading a post on Facebook and thought, wow, this person is so __________?  I think they are great, love them, like what they say, or conversely, I can’t stand the way they said that, showed me that, are that. It makes me feel like they are so selfish, conceited, etc.  So, our perception of people and situations is very important.  Perception also comes into play with our perception of the world/Universe and our role in it.  Do we have a good RELATIONSHIP in the world, do we believe people are essentially good and trying to do good, or do we think people are mostly bad and only some people are good, etc., etc.  Look how all these crucial words come back around and show us things about ourselves and how we act/interact in the world.  Perception infers a kind of inner insight to me, something intangible that we “perceive” gives us an edge over other people perhaps.  How do we perceive ourselves in relationship to the world we live in, our community, society, family, etc.?
     So, the final word that I have recognized as being very important to me is interpretation.  We can see that interpretation of events, situations, actions, can also play a big part in what that particular event will mean to us.  Do we see an event as unimportant, inconsequential, insignificant, or crucial, valuable, essential?  Whichever way we interpret situations can determine how we respond to the event and what value we derive from it ultimately.  Are we open to the information available, or resistant, what does it mean for us?
     I have explored a bunch of seemingly insignificant words to find that each one can create further value and meaning in our lives or can create confusion and disillusionment. I enjoy exploring these issues in my practice using my knowledge of the Akashic Records, hypnosis, Neuro Linguistic Programming, and Healing Touch and Reiki.  I have just finished my first book, a children’s book called “The Story of the Sun” and it makes you think about some of these issues and how we perceive them and what is our part to play in the unfolding events that await us every day.

About the Author:  Kate Olson, CPC, CHt, is a Life Coach, Integrative Master Hypnotherapist, EFT & NLP Master Practitioner & Trainer and Reiki Master located in Seattle, Northern Lights Life Coaching www.northernlightscoaching.net & Embrace Change Hypnosis & NLP www.embracechangehypnosis.com.  Kate offers workshops & classes, as well as, individual and group coaching. Her emphasis is on assisting clients in finding Path, Purpose and Peace. Kate focuses on integration of mind, body, spirit wellness. It is her mission to help clients find joy through connection, creative expression and embracing change.  She is passionate about creativity, travel, personal growth and enjoying life. She has another wellness-related business offering Salt Therapy, Salt Works Saltariums.  Salt Therapy offers an all natural treatment solution for respiratory and skin problems.​ All three businesses operate as Dba's under Total Well Resources, LLC.  Kate is a speaker, writer and event facilitator.  She is also a radio show host on Contact Talk Radio, www.ctrnetwork.com/embracechange hosting "Embrace Change with Kate ".   

      ​It should be the easiest thing in the world just to be yourself, right? Why is it then, that there are so few people that manage to be who they really are and express themselves in a genuine way in life? I think that children start out instinctively knowing who they are and learning quite naturally to express themselves in a genuine way.  When do we start diverging from our real self and becoming someone else?
    I don’t think it is something that happens quickly or consciously, but more a slow process we hardly notice as we conform to other people’s expectations and sometimes even our own expectations, betraying in small ways our core selves, until one day we look in the mirror and hardly recognize the person we see. Or maybe, it is not something we see, but somehow just feel that we have become someone we don’t know. We feel out of sorts, misaligned or incongruent, like we are trying to fit in somewhere we don’t become.
     As a life coach and hypnotherapist, I see clients all the time who are seeking clarity and say they feel lost and confused. They feel stuck or just don’t know who they are any more and find it difficult to make any decisions at all. Nothing feels right.  What I usually find is that they are out of alignment or congruence with themselves and their core values.  All of the parts and pieces that make up “you” and work together in sync are out of wack.  You feel confused and something says you should not be who you are. Every action chips away at that person you were born to be and you lose trust in yourself. You begin to doubt your own basic instincts and the sense of internal guidance that comes natural to you. Yes, we must learn discipline and what is accepted and expected behavior in certain situations. How can we do this and stay that unique person that is authentically "us"? How does this happen? How do we lose ourselves?
      It happens incidentally and accidently, as we react to everything and everyone in our environment. The little girl that is told she should not talk so loudly or the little boy that is told “boys don’t cry “, begins to doubt their own feelings and tries to behave as others think they should. Can’t, shouldn’t, must, don’t and every little doubt chips away at our core self! How do we navigate this without becoming someone we are not, without loosing our spirit and uniqueness? 

     ​While this does not happen to everyone, it does happen to many people at some point in their lives to one degree or another. When our body is out of alignment, we can go to a chiropractor or physical therapist or sometimes do a series of stretches and exercises that will put everything back into place and set us back to functioning and feeling as we were meant to. How do we go about that when it is our internal self, the very core of our being, our internal guidance system, that is out of alignment? It is a process of awareness and focus, a deep looking inward to find the truths that resonate with us and fit us on the deepest and most basic level. It is knowing yourself and acting in accordance with our core values and beliefs. It is a true self-awareness that feels comfortable and we can fall into with ease and simple grace.
      How do we go about finding ourselves or getting back to our true self? It does take some stretching of a mental and emotional sort and self-examination to get back to that true and authentic self and feel comfortably in-sync.  Where to start is sometimes the hardest question.  a little alone time is usually a good starting point. Taking some time to be with yourself and acknowledge how you really feel about things and what pleases or gives you bliss on the most basic level without outside influence will help.  Getting in touch with your inner-child and remembering who you were and what you liked as a kid can give you precious insight.  Were you artistic, athletic, organized or carefree? Did you have an active imagination? Were you quiet or the loudest kid in the room.  Did you like attention or prefer to quietly observe? All of these are characteristics and all of them are good and positive. There is nothing about us that is not beautiful. Yes, we sometimes have to learn to use our qualities in context, but we don’t have to be someone we are not or give up those traits that feel true to us. First, because we will never do it successfully and secondly, we will always feel like we are missing a piece of ourselves. Lastly, we will not come across as authentic to others.  Have you ever met someone who seems to be behaving in a way that does not seem “true” or authentic, even though you have never met them before? They just don't resonate as "real" or authentic! You can feel that they are not “themselves”, even though you have nothing to go on, except, a feeling. Chances are, as you get to know them better you will see that “real self” come out, if only for a moment and as you glimpse that person you will feel more comfortable with them.  So, if we are forced or choose to mask and hide our natural traits, we not only feel inauthentic to ourselves, but to others we meet and interact with, as well. Try doing things you loved as a kid or connecting with people you knew long ago. This can sometimes help to bring out that original self. 

​       As a kid, I loved art, writing, music and creating of all types. During the period of my life that I was most lost and out sync with myself, I had none of those activities in my life in any form. I remember my sister commenting on the fact that I didn’t even have any pictures on the walls in my apartment. I was a tomboy as a kid and really loved the outdoors and games or competition of all types. I was not doing anything that connected with that part of myself in any way. I loved animals as a kid and I had no pets or any connection with them at all. I loved reading and learning as a kid and I couldn’t remember the last time I read a book that wasn’t business related. I did not realize all of this and more, all at once, but I definitely felt that I was not the “me” that I wanted to be! Basically, I was at the crisis point that a lot of my clients come to me in. My life had literally fallen apart and I was being forced to evaluate how it had happened and what I could do now. I was asking myself, “Who in heck are you?” and not liking the answer.       The process of reconnecting started slowly and was a journey of renewal and discovery that felt so good. I often, refer to it as getting in touch with my “wise child” and realizing the little person I started out as was someone I really loved and respected and was “very proud” to be. I wanted to be her again and once I got started, it was so easy to be her because it just fit, like a pair of soft warm pajamas just out of dryer that are so warm and comfortable, you just know you want to put them on. 
       I started recreating me a step at a time connecting with the things I enjoyed doing and that gave me bliss. I really asked myself what things felt like and enjoyed those things that felt completely good and right. I expressed my feeling and started to feel more “me” the more I did this. I spent time with people who accepted me and made me feel good! And, the more I felt good it seemed, the more people I felt good around. It’s funny how that works! Now, my house is filled with art and I enjoy being there.  My life is about creating! I love to travel and be in the outdoors. If I have a challenging day, seeing a beautiful sunset or being in nature will always bring me back to balance and a happier state. I listen to music all the time. In the process of coming back to myself I went to 17 concerts in one year, partly fulfilling the list of concerts I had said I’d go to “someday” and partly just getting back in touch with music I loved! I connect with people more these days and realize that it’s important to me, especially being connected to my family, but I also spend a good amount of time alone –feeling connected to myself on a deep level and making sure that little girl I love, the “real me” is still there with me. I will be continuing this journey, as I have realized that we are a “work in progress”, always changing and growing, but staying connected to our core and being “brilliantly authentic”, like a rare one of kind gem!      

About the Author: Tammy Wilson Smith, PT is owner of Healthy Transformations and founder of Fun Fitness and Fabulous Food, a compilation of 3 programs to strengthen your body, nourish your soul and open your heart.   Safe & Savory, Play with Purpose Retreats and Hiking to Happiness all offer opportunities throughout the year no matter the weather, your experience or your health goals.
Here, we combine fun movement and nutritious food with new friends in a safe uplifting environment.  We encourage vulnerability in trying new things from new moves, new food, to new thoughts and experiences. Tammy's expertise as a Physical Therapist for over 30 years and her recent Wilderness First Aid training assure you are well taken care of in any circumstance. Visit www.tammywilsonsmith.com to experience past events, new registrations and a hiking calendar coming very soon.

      ​It’s been 18 years since my sister Nancy was diagnosed with leukemia and my world was shaken.  She was my person and to this day gifts me with wisdom, compassion, love and understanding.  She introduced me to Louise Hay, Caroline Myss, Deepak Chopra and many others.  She tried to teach me about protecting myself from toxic energy fields, setting boundaries, and loving myself unconditionally.  She is still teaching me those things and I hear her voice and feel her hugs daily.  It was such serendipity, that just last week, I was feeling especially sad thinking of her.  And the next morning received this email asking to write about the gifts I have received from someone who has passed to the other side.  That is no accident. . .just love from her.
      We were states away from one another, and I could hear it in her voice, that she was leaving soon.  Oh, she would try her best to muster up the strength to portray to others that she was on the mend, all while needing several platelet transfusions every week. Nancy decided a few months earlier, she was not going to go the chemo route, as she truly believed in the power of complementary medicine and alternative healing.  Being an ARNP herself, and a psychotherapist, she also knew the power of the mind and heart in healing the body.  But, I was worried and anxious, afraid of not being able to help her in some way, fearful of not getting to spend more time with her.  I took a leave of absence from work, despite the lack up emotional support from other family members, particularly my ex-husband. I ended up taking our daughter out of Jr. High school to spend the second half of those six weeks with us.  It was the first of two big decisions I made that year in order to spend more time with her.  The second happened a couple months later.  They were two of the best decisions of my life.
      During those first weeks while she was in the hospital having chemo, bone marrow biopsies, IV’s, contracting C-diff and fungal infections, her body languished, but her spirit soared.  There was a little pull out bed in her isolation room that I slept on many nights, and she would often waken at 3 or 4 in the morning, unable to fall back asleep.  That was when she would share memories of her childhood, of my childhood. You see, she was 12 years older than me, and being a twin, Nancy was essentially assigned to me, while Mom took care of my brother. I was the twin who slept better, ate better and was a bit healthier. We often joked about how she once tipped me out of my stroller and I’ve never been the same since.  And we’re not sure if it was accidental.  During those early mornings, she would talk of how mad she was as a teenager, having to give up cheerleading practice in order to come home from school to babysit.  There were two other siblings between us as well, and she was the highly capable older sister.  I missed her so much when she went off to college 300 miles away, just as I entered first grade.  When she came home from college on break, she was dressed like a hippie, smoked cigarettes (which my brother and I promptly broke) and said the word “SHIT” a lot.  I admired her.  When she married and had twin girls, I wanted to parent just like she did. . free spirited, mud pies, and homemade play dough every day.

​       Nancy had a way with words, and could make you laugh with her Norwegian accent, and stories from a time that seemed much different than mine. The stories that affected me the most were those she told of our older sister Julie, who died when Nancy was 4. The family was on a summer vacation from ND to the PNW when Julie became acutely ill.  The folks had dropped the girls off with family in Walla Walla, and then left for a second honeymoon on the coast to Seaside, OR.  I only understood much later why it was MOM never wanted to visit the OR coast when they would come to visit.  Julie died in a few days from viral meningitis. It was 1953, long before grief support groups or even encouragement to speak of loss.  Mom had already lost both brothers, and the Norwegian way, was to not speak of it. Nancy remembered the trip home on the train and a black porter (the first person of color she had ever seen) tell her in his drawl, “li’ miss, your sister, your sister is going to be just fine”.  Nancy had a way of taking you right into that train car with her, seeing and hearing that porter.  She also shared of days in the garden with Grandma Wilson, who could just be with her in silence and talk to the clouds, as if they were Julie.
Grandma was a fit 70 something during that time.  She lived 30 years beyond that time, to 100 years old and always had a special spot in her heart for Nancy.  And I I think me too, since my twin and I were the youngest of all the grandchildren.
       Nancy was the one who encouraged me to find myself, to leave an abusive marriage, and to trust men again.  She taught me to not be afraid of my emotions, to let the tears come, to speak my heart, and to give big hugs.  I think she was match making in heaven 6 weeks after she passed over, with my current husband’s late mom.
         She has been very present for me during these last couple years as I’ve started a new career and gone down the negative belief path a time or one hundred.  She’s the one who says, “atta girl”.   I met an intuitive last fall at an event, and within a few minutes she said to me, “your sister is here with you all the time. She’s right there on your shoulder. And she is so proud of you for continuing her work”. 

​About the Author:  Kate Olson, CPC, CHt, is a Life Coach, Integrative Master Hypnotherapist, EFT & NLP Master Practitioner & Trainer and Reiki Master located in Seattle, Northern Lights Life Coaching www.northernlightscoaching.net & Embrace Change Hypnosis & NLP www.embracechangehypnosis.com.  Kate offers workshops & classes, as well as, individual and group coaching. Her emphasis is on assisting clients in finding Path, Purpose and Peace. Kate focuses on integration of mind, body, spirit wellness. It is her mission to help clients find joy through connection, creative expression and embracing change.  She is passionate about creativity, travel, personal growth and enjoying life. She has another wellness-related business offering Salt Therapy, Salt Works Saltariums.  Salt Therapy offers an all natural treatment solution for respiratory and skin problems.​ All three businesses operate as Dba's under Total Well Resources, LLC.  Kate is a speaker, writer and event facilitator.  She is also a radio show host on Contact Talk Radio, www.ctrnetwork.com/embracechange hosting "Embrace Change with Kate ".   

      I was frantically going through old boxes of treasures and mementos with tears streaming down my face. The longer I looked the more emotional I felt and the more important it seemed that I find the “The Letter”! It was April 12, 2012, my Mother’s Birthday and almost two decades since her passing. She had given me the letter along with my birthday card seven months before her death. It was an inelegant letter written in her almost unreadable tiny back-slanted chicken scratch handwriting and as I searched I was upset with myself for feeling so emotional. Why was it so important now?  I knew I had kept it and I had put it in a special place where I thought I would always find it. I thought someday I would share it with my sister, as proof I think. Proof of what? Proof that Mom had loved me? Proof that I was right? Proof that I was valued? Proof that I loved her and that she knew it? Proof that we had forgiven each other? I wasn’t sure, but It was important that I find it! I knew that! I continued to search until finally exhausted, I put the boxes back together and packed them away in the garage. I was upset that I had not found the letter and could not get it off my mind. Why was it so compelling at this time in my life? I would search again when I was fresh, I thought, and find it! It was probably one of those things where it had been there all the time in front of me and I just wasn’t seeing it.
       I never did look for the letter again. Had I lost it or even accidently thrown it away? I would never know if the words she wrote were exactly what I remembered, because I knew it didn’t matter. I had a dream that night that cleared everything up and left me with a deep sense of peace. I realized that I would never need to find the letter and that I would never show it to my sister. It did not matter what words were written on the paper! All that needed to be said or understood between my Mother and I had been conveyed over time in an energy and knowing that was invisible, more real and pervasive than anything that could ever be put into words on a piece of paper. The letter was just a symbol of the deep understanding of the relationship, bond, learning, pain, love, acceptance, gratitude and forgiveness that had been there in that relationship between my Mother and me.
         I knew that the letter had failed to say two of the three phrases I had longed to hear. It had not said, “I am sorry” or “thank you”, but I knew that I heard and understood those feelings and those words in what she had written. It had said, “I love you!” This had never been easy for Mom to say or show, but she had taken to saying it often in her last couple years of life. It was important to hear and I had started to believe it and was able to say it back without thinking too much about the past. 

        I knew that the letter had failed to say two of the three phrases I had longed to hear. It had not said, “I am sorry” or “thank you”, but I knew that I heard and understood those feelings and those words in what she had written. It had said, “I love you!” This had never been easy for Mom to say or show, but she had taken to saying it often in her last couple years of life. It was important to hear and I had started to believe it and was able to say it back without thinking too much about the past.
       I knew that she understood that I had forgiven her and that I realized she had given me gifts even in the worst of times that made me stronger and better. I realized that she had been both my strength and my weakness and that we had learned compassion from one another --- so many lessons born from a journey that had been difficult, painful and very human! It was on that day and with that realization that I knew I was fully ready to be myself and trust myself. I would never again struggle with the past or wonder who I was.
       A weight had been lifted and I was lighter, more joyful, even blissful, in a way I had not remembered feeling since I was a small child. I knew decisions would come easier now and my direction would be clear. I felt free to be myself and knew I had a purpose. I did not just know I had a purpose; I knew what it was!  It took a few years to connect all the pieces of myself that had been scattered about and pull myself into being. Reconnecting with the person I was meant to be and being congruent with my purpose opened up the doors to being able to express my deepest passions! A light had been turned on and I really loved what I saw! I knew it was that day looking for the “The Letter” and realizing it had all happened in the space inside of me and there was nothing I had yet to find,-- that was the beginning of my path to purpose and peace and feeling fully, unapologetically, proudly me! Thank you, Mom! Rest in peace! I love you!  

​About the Author:  Kate Olson, CPC, CHt, is a Life Coach, Integrative Master Hypnotherapist, EFT & NLP Master Practitioner & Trainer and Reiki Master located in Seattle, Northern Lights Life Coaching www.northernlightscoaching.net & Embrace Change Hypnosis & NLP www.embracechangehypnosis.com.  Kate offers workshops & classes, as well as, individual and group coaching. Her emphasis is on assisting clients in finding Path, Purpose and Peace. Kate focuses on integration of mind, body, spirit wellness. It is her mission to help clients find joy through connection, creative expression and embracing change.  She is passionate about creativity, travel, personal growth and enjoying life. She has another wellness-related business offering Salt Therapy, Salt Works Saltariums.  Salt Therapy offers an all natural treatment solution for respiratory and skin problems.​ All three businesses operate as Dba's under Total Well Resources, LLC.  Kate is a speaker, writer and event facilitator.  She is also a radio show host on Contact Talk Radio, www.ctrnetwork.com/embracechange hosting "Embrace Change with Kate ".   

       Most of us have no desire to be a victim and most of us don’t want to be a bully or victimizer either, yet finding yourself in one of these roles can easily happen without you knowing or intending that to be the case. Why is this? It happens because we are relating to and interacting with others, some of whom are stuck in and constantly repeating these patterns because they have worked in the past and are familiar to them.
     The victim role rarely works for anyone in the long run, but in the short run it can seem to be effective and give some satisfying secondary gains. That is not to say that there are not people who are really victimized, but that being in that position usually takes some cooperation and is not ultimately advantageous.
     If you are a caring person who wants to help others, you have probably, at least once, found yourself in a position you did not intend, where someone is claiming to be your victim. I recently found myself there and had to evaluate how this happened and accept responsibility for my part in it.  Someone asked me for help and I was more than willing to help them. They were likeable and seemed to be sincere. It is my nature to want to help someone, if I can. I did get that little Spidey feeling that they were someone who would use me, but I thought if I was willing there wasn’t any way that it would be harmful.  So, I proceeded to help them and after a while I found I was helping them even more than I intended and yes, starting to feel taken advantage of. I tested this out by asking some very small things of them and, of course, they were not willing to reciprocate in any way.  So, I pulled back in my willingness and generosity of what I was sharing and what I got was disrespect for my boundaries and resentment for what I wasn’t willing to do for them.  "Hmmm?" I thought, "I have created this. haven’t I?"
      I had to think about it and came to the conclusion that I had let this person into to my life and decided to engage in this relationship and disregarded my intuition. I had made a faulty judgement in deciding that they could not hurt me, as long as I was willing to help and I had probably done them a disservice in allowing them to use me to accomplish what they were fully capable of doing for themselves.  So, it’s on me and I need to extricate myself from the situation and know better the next time.
      Does this mean we should not help others? No, but pay attention when you sense that someone has a pattern of using other people. Does this mean that people who are in the habit of using other people and falling into the victim syndrome are bad people? No, it just means that they likely have misjudged their own abilities and have low confidence and therefore, have fallen into this pattern. It has worked in the past and, in general, has the pay back of the sympathy they get when others assume them the victim. It is ultimately quite self-destructive, but until they see that, they feel others are causing them the difficulties they are experiencing. 

      When you seek to help, make sure you empower and don’t allow dependence. Don’t blame or accept responsibilities for others decisions or behaviors. Support, but encourage responsibility and capability. When you give, give freely without expectation. Be grateful for both what you receive and the opportunity to give. We never have to be a victim, we always have a choice to see things from another perspective and rise to our higher self, seeing clearly the choices and decisions we have made and sometimes the lessons we have learned from them.
      If you recognize that you have been victimized or played the victim role in a given situation, note how that felt and make the decision to choose differently next time.  If you find that you have a pattern of “being the victim”, ask yourself why you are making that choice. What is the secondary gain that you are getting from making that choice? Is it really working the way you’d like or are you really paying too high a price for what you get from it? You may be deluding yourself as to how you appear to others. While we sometimes see victims in a sympathetic light, we also tend to see them as weak and not in control or inconsequential. Is that image how you want to seen and is it the real you? Does it help you in achieving your ultimate goals and being who you are truly meant to be? These are questions only you can answer, but for most people the answer is clear and can be life changing.
     As an empath, I feel people’s pain and it took me a long time to realize that much of it is self-inflicted or accepted by choice, even while doing it myself. There is a saying that “pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice”. I believe this is true and being a victim is certainly a form of suffering we can choose to avoid. I hope you live in your own strength and truth with kindness, compassion, integrity, responsibility, love and acceptance!  

​About the Author: Geraldine Banes was born in the UK, on the Southwestern-Most Peninsula of Wales, close to Ireland. From an early age she was interested in art, design & creative writing. Geraldine got her education in the Art and Design field, married, divorced and then on her own with a small daughter, ended up getting a job with an American company, Microsoft. This brought her to the US. What started out as a short-term contract job turned into a 22-year career with Microsoft. She loved her job and may have stayed, if it were not for a life changing event that made her reconsider everything.
      In 2009, at the age of 50, while on business in Britain, Geraldine suffered a heart attack. Her right super dominant artery was 98% clogged with a clot. She had a stent placed, and her femoral artery bifurcated. She realized that she had to change her life. Like the phoenix from the ashes, 2010 was to be her pivotal point. She already had an interest in Alternative Health, specifically Craniosacral Therapy & Reiki as she had found these modalities helpful in her own recovery. She enrolled in Massage School to learn about Anatomy, Physiology and Kinesiology. She found an office space and started her practice.  After 5 years, she began looking for her own space. She had a vision of what it would be like. She looked for almost two years and nearly gave up. One day a building came up that spoke to her the minute she set foot in the door. It was a historical building, an old bank building, with great bones. After another year of renovation and manifesting, it turned into her beautiful Studio Beju in downtown historic Duvall, WA. She set out with a wing and a prayer to build a community of like-minded women practitioners who combine both alternative health and creative expression. Today it exists and is thriving! It is a place for uplifting workshops, classes and services and celebrates 3 years in business this April 2018! She has found her purpose and passion in life!
​
 Studio Beju
15630 Main Street.
Duvall, WA 98019
425-318-6422
 www.studiobeju.com

      ​Most of us are familiar with “Goldilocks and The Three Bears”, a popular nursery tale. Goldilocks goes for a walk in the woods and finds a house. She knocks on the door, no one answers so plucky thing she is, she goes in and finds 3 bowls of porridge: One was too hot, one was too cold, but the last one was ‘just right.’ After eating the porridge, she finds 3 chairs: One was too big, one was too small, and then there was one that was ‘just right’ but on sitting on it she broke the chair into pieces! Then she went upstairs because she was tired and found 3 beds: One was too hard, one was too soft, but one was just right and so she snuggled down to sleep.
     Of course, the Bears came home and complained loudly that someone had been eating their porridge, and that someone had been sitting in their chairs, and had broken one, and going upstairs they found the culprit sleeping in one of their beds!  With that Goldilocks springs out of bed, jumps through the window and escapes, never to return again. So, what’s the story really about? A cautionary tale of too much entitlement or a tale of discovery to find her own ‘just right’? There are many ways to view this, from the duality of organization vs chaos to the literary use of repetition and the use of three. Notice that every third trial is ‘just right’ in the nursery tale – two wrongs ultimately leading to a ‘right’.
How do you find your ‘just right’ in business, creativity or life? The answer may lay in the magic of threes. I found out myself that there's a psychological magic in the number 3. For example, if I put out 1 or 2 printed newsletters in front of the Studio they don't get picked up. If I put out 4 or more, they don't get picked up. But 3, Oh boy. Yes, every time!  I need to replenish the front table as soon as I notice one or two have been taken by passersby. That way we shift ALL the newsletters every month. Like magic!
Similarly, in broad general terms when we think of optimal health for the body we are looking to find a motile flexibility, where the body or mind is not too rigid, nor too flexible, but within the range of a Goldilocks zone where everything seems ‘just right’. This Goldilocks zone is the optimal sphere of existence, balance and resilience.
      So how do you apply this to your Creativity and/or manifesting your life’s purpose? Why not try applying the rule of three. If you are super creative, but have difficulty turning this into reality then try 2 somethings that are the opposite of you. Something more rigid and orderly. It can be anything from learning to de-clutter or applying for business mastery at night school. If you have a natural tendency to order and neatness, go out of your comfort zone and explore what it feels like to be messy, spontaneous, and free thinking. Find a messy creative friend to help loosen those orderly chains! Let go of control and enjoy creative freedom. The point is to learn enough to find your own ‘just right’. 
This month I'm celebrating the 3's and late March/early April is the Studio Beju’s third year in business!!  In starting out, I had a general idea of what the place would be. I drew my Vision Board with as much vibrancy & care as possible. 

Geraldine's Vision Board

      ​I envisioned a place that combines Mind/Body/Spirit practices and where you could explore art, craft, music, meditation & movement as a healthy holistic way of being.  Spaces for rent, a hub for people to find a modality or skill or way of being that appeals to them & maybe helps them in some way or helps them teach & give back something that has helped them. I decided to give it 5 years to see if it could be achieved as I'd read that it usually takes up to 5 years to get established. I've just read that those who work in small business say it's the first 3 years that show whether they will survive and have what it takes. Some small business advisers say that the venture is still in the start-up phase for the first 3 years.
This is because there's so much to learn about setting up a business. Whoo! They aren’t wrong there. So, this year three is the seminal year and certainly a year to take stock. Things that work, things that don’t so much, and things I’ve started to gain a measure for.
     From the spectrum of orderly vs chaotically creative, I am definitely in the chaotically creative camp. I’ve been lucky to be creative all my life. Ideas flow!  But, I am also messy, disorganized, and hate paperwork. So, this year I’m going to take a leaf out of my own book and take some scheduling classes, pick up some Feng Shui tips and learn how to organize my office more effectively & maybe engage an orderly & patient friend to help me over my own hurdles & build that 5-year plan I should have done in the first place. What are you going to do? 

Geraldine's Creation - Studio Beju 

About the Author:  Kate Olson, CPC, CHt, is a Life Coach, Integrative Master Hypnotherapist, EFT & NLP Master Practitioner & Trainer and Reiki Master located in Seattle, Northern Lights Life Coaching www.northernlightscoaching.net & Embrace Change Hypnosis & NLP www.embracechangehypnosis.com.  Kate offers workshops & classes, as well as, individual and group coaching. Her emphasis is on assisting clients in finding Path, Purpose and Peace. Kate focuses on integration of mind, body, spirit wellness. It is her mission to help clients find joy through connection, creative expression and embracing change.  She is passionate about creativity, travel, personal growth and enjoying life. She has another wellness-related business offering Salt Therapy, Salt Works Saltariums.  Salt Therapy offers an all natural treatment solution for respiratory and skin problems.​ All three businesses operate as Dba's under Total Well Resources, LLC.  Kate is a speaker, writer and event facilitator.  She is also a radio show host on Contact Talk Radio, www.ctrnetwork.com/embracechange hosting "Embrace Change with Kate ".   

     We start out with an intention and a goal, but why do we not achieve or reach that intention? What happens to get in the way and keep us stuck or stalled. Why is it so hard to just do it! If you have heard the saying, “it’s all in your head”, that pretty much sums it up. Maybe that is a slight over-simplification, but really not that far from the truth! We fill the space in between doing and not doing with a lot of clutter. As you all know clutter gets in the way! So, how do we get rid of the clutter and clear the path for action! It is a process that takes some discipline and the knowledge that you are in control. It is actually a matter of mindset. You also have to be clear on your priorities and motivation to achieve what you set out to do. Obviously, we have a limited amount of time, so only so much can be achieved in a given period of time. However, if you limit the clutter and are motivated, you will be amazed at how productive you can be and how much can be achieved. Left unchecked procrastination becomes a habit and so to change that habit we must develop a new and better habit. I am going to give you some tips on how to go about the process of changing this old and defeating habit and with your new mindset becoming a productive action taker.
     First, ask yourself what you “put off” and why? While procrastination is a universal behavior, it seems we are very individual on what we procrastinate on and why we do it. Figuring out what the thinking behind your inaction is, will help you in identifying what thought patterns and behaviors need to be changed. If you can identify those thought patterns and the often-limiting beliefs behind them, you are well on your way to change.
 
Where do you start? Listed below are some suggested steps that will become your action-plan and if you will follow them, you can end your procrastination very quickly!

1. Set a goal and write it down
2. Set an end date for achieving your goal
3. Break it down into small steps
4. Get in touch with your feelings
5. Push past resistance and accept no excuses
6. Silence negative self-talk  
7. Face your fear or pain and push past it (3 seconds of courage)
8. Adjust your self-perception to see yourself as an action-taker
9. Reward yourself for progress
10. Ask for help from a friend, coach or accountability partner
11. Repeat this process until it becomes habit!

​       It seems simple enough, right? Perhaps you think it is too simple and therefore, will not work. If it were just this simple, why is procrastination such a hard problem to overcome? The reason is that you believe it has to be difficult and you are in the habit of dwelling in that mindset. Try the steps above with a “can do” attitude and you will find changing this habit is, in fact, surprisingly easy.  So, you want to go to the gym and get in better shape. Write down that goal and be very specific. It should be measurable and have a specific timeframe or end date.  
 
Goal Example:
 “I will go to the gym and work out for an hour three times a week for the next six months!”
 
Write down the date six months in the future when you will have achieved your initial goal of getting in better shape. Post this date on your calendar and your mirror, refrigerator, desk or somewhere very visible where you see it regularly.
 
Now break down your workout routine into small steps that increase in intensity gradually. You can even start with a shorter workout period and work up, just make sure to keep your schedule and if you have to deviate or slip up, get right back to it.
 
Examine your feelings when they come up and get a hold of “the why” behind your procrastination. Is it a fear? Pain? Prior bad experience? Knowing why will help you move past it.
 
You will feel resistance and this is where you need some discipline and resolve. You will need to push past it and each time you do, it will make the next time easier. Accept no excuses –so, you are tired, you don’t feel well, you don’t have enough time. Unless you are truly ill with valid symptoms, these are really just self-defeating excuses and you must push past them. This is will power and discipline, but it is also courage. It is that 3-second decision to push past whatever obstacles or fears might present themselves and just do it!  Most of the time, it turns out not to have been as scary, painful or difficult or time consumming,  as we were imagining it would be.
 
It is also helpful to change how you look at, talk about and see yourself.  Stop saying, ”I am this way” or “I always do that!” or even making those sarcastic jokes that seem so funny, but can be subconsciously programming you as to who you believe you really are and what you think you can do! Be kind to your self and support yourself with the same confidence-building support you would give to a good friend.
 
Along the way, give yourself small rewards as you make progress toward your goal or when you achieve it. We are more motivated when we get a reward or reward ourselves, even if it is only a small acknowledgement. Everyone responds positively to encouragement.
 
Having a friend who supports and encourages you, a coach or an accountability partner can make a huge impact on helping you toward your goals. Hanging out with other people who are motivated action-takers can also be inspiring and helpful.
 
Lastly, once you have broken the procrastination habit and achieved a goal, repeat and make “not procrastinating” or being a motivated action-taker a positive and desirable habit! Make it who you are!
 
     This process can work long or short-term. It can work on something small or that big and overwhelming thing you thought was impossible. You just have to implement and in the process, change your mindset. It really is that simple and can be that easy, if you will believe it is!  Be your own “Action Hero" and just do it now! 

​About the Author:  Shelley Abrams spent close to 25 years as a corporate technical writer before branching out on her own as a freelancer in 2010. She loves writing and doing research and enjoys the diversity being a freelancer offers. She has contributed to blogs on spirituality, personal development, mindfulness, and health and wellness. She has written and maintained philosophical and spiritually based content for a paid membership site. She is currently co-authoring a non-fiction book that offers a unique spin on history and geology. She also does analysis and report writing for a marketing research firm. She has an MBA, as well as, a certificate in non-fiction writing. When she’s not writing, she likes being out in nature or just reflecting in the quiet. She finds history, geography, philosophy and meta-physics fascinating. She also loves traveling, meeting new people and experiencing different cultures. To learn more about Ms. Abrams’ writing experiences, visit her website at www.write2spec.com.

​February is the month everyone focuses on the important relationships in their lives, mostly with other people. We want people to accept us, to love us, so we do all we can to make ourselves “perfect” in their eyes. But isn’t the relationship you have with yourself the most important? After all, you are a part of everything you do, everything that happens to you and everything (and everyone) you engage with.
 
Doesn’t it make sense that if the relationship you have with yourself is the most important, you should spend time focused on it, nurturing it and embracing it? Most of us do the opposite. We put ourselves down, we judge everything we do or say, and our inner voice is often our own worst critic. We seek to quell our self-loathing and negative self-love by looking to others for approval. We bend over backwards to please them, even swearing to change for them! But is that really the way we should go about changing our opinion of ourselves? I think not!
 
As I said earlier, you are a part of everything that goes in your life! That means your relationship with yourself affects everything that goes on in your life. All relationships have their challenges. The relationship with yourself is no exception. It can even be scary! But if you want to make your life the best it can be, you must have a positive relationship with yourself.
 
So what’s the key to doing that? Self-acceptance - the unconditional “I accept myself for who I am, with all my faults and quirks” kind.
 
“You've got to be able to look at the mirror and smile at yourself. If you can't do that, you've got work to do. You have to learn to get along with yourself, to like yourself, to be proud of yourself. You've got to learn to celebrate yourself. You need to be able to love yourself before you can ever appreciate anyone else who does. You're worth it. Put the work in to have the best relationship with yourself that's possible.” ~ Akiroq Brost
 
Now, we’re not talking about stoking the ego or saying what’s bad about you is really good. No! It is about finding compassion within yourself to accept and love who you are – all of you. It isn’t about not wanting to change; it’s more about the reason to change. Instead of changing to please others, if you love and accept yourself, you willingly transform to become your best self!
 
"Accept everything about yourself--I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end--no apologies, no regrets." ~ Clark Moustakas
 
We all know the negative ramifications of being down on ourselves. Let’s look instead at the good stuff – the positive effects of loving and accepting yourself.

Self-acceptance is the key to happiness and emotional well-being
 
If you constantly complain about yourself, your situation or other things around you, how can you possibly be happy? If you constantly try to change yourself so that others will like you, you have tethered your own happiness to someone else’s opinion. How does that serve you? It doesn’t. 
 
If you lack self-acceptance and self-love, you may try to “buy happiness” through excessive materialism, excessive stimulation or excessive approval-seeking behaviors. All these things feed into our negative self-image. But when all is said and done, you’ve overspent and made yourself unhealthier and miserable. Then, you begin the cycle of self-loathing and seeking happiness outside yourself all over again.
 
If you want happiness, you need to let go the negative self-talk, of trying to fit a mold that isn’t you. You need to become your authentic self. Become who you really are! When you can accept the whole of yourself, your happiness will increase exponentially.
 
“Your skin is your skin. Your legs are your legs. Your hair is your hair. Your smile is your smile. Your past is your past. You can waste your life hating these things, but you may as well learn to accept them. Both routes are difficult and full of pain, but with acceptance, you will be happy one day, while with hatred, you never will.” ~ Vironika Tugaleva
 
Self-acceptance is the key to good relationships
 
Many of us put our relationships with other people ahead of our relationship with ourselves. We expect them to accept and love us. Heck, we demand it through our actions and our thoughts. We bend over backwards to please others, even going so far as trying to change who we are into something others want us to be. And we expect the same of them!
 
But isn’t this backwards? How can you possibly expect others around you to accept you if you don’t accept yourself first? How can anyone know you if you are constantly trying to fit an image someone else has of you rather than the image of who you truly are?
 
Sure, it can be downright scary to show our real selves to the world. To expose who we are. But it’s an essential step if we want to have healthy, solid relationships with everyone around us – not just our families or significant others, but our co-workers, our neighbors and even strangers we come across every day.
 
If you want to strengthen your relationships, first be compassionate with yourself! Forgive yourself. Accept yourself. If you engage in all relationships from a position of self-acceptance and self-love, you’ll find it much easier to maneuver the relationship maze and have unconditional love for everyone who crosses your path! You’ll also feel more confident and loving. Most importantly, it becomes your new normal. And others will respond to that in kind.
 
 
Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.” ~ Lao Tzu 

Self-acceptance is the key to good physical and mental health
 
Being constantly down on yourself is stressful and a drain on your energy. What impact do you think that has on your health? Negative energy affects your body and your mind at a cellular level. This ultimately manifests itself in illness – temporary or chronic.
 
Many people in the scientific and spiritual community say “you are what you think”. From a physical and mental health standpoint, they are right! If you have a poor attitude about yourself and constantly talk to yourself in a negative way, you are feeding the bad energy and making yourself sick. Feed it positive words - and believe them. It can literally turn an illness on its head and improve your health in ways you cannot imagine. Forgive your body for being ill, love it, and see what happens!
 
"There is much documented proof that the mind and body are connected, so acceptance of your body is not only essential for your emotional well-being, it is essential for your physical health as well. Denying your body complete acceptance can lead to illness, whereas practicing acceptance can heal disease." ~ Andrew Adler
 
This all sounds good, you say, but how do I do it? Here are some tips that may help:
 

1. Express gratitude. Get into the habit of expressing gratitude for yourself and everything about you. Say thank you and mean it! Do this several times a day, especially when you first wake up and before you go to sleep. Say it lovingly, forcefully and whole-heartedly. Try it for a week and notice a difference. 
2. Go inward. Meditate. Spend time in quiet contemplation getting in touch with your true self on a daily basis. No judgement, just a quiet awareness of your body and mind. Find inner peace with yourself and self-acceptance becomes easier. 
3. Change your inner talk. Be aware of what you say to yourself. Keep a journal. Every time you say something negative about yourself, put a tick mark in it. Or, write down words you use to describe yourself. At the end of the day notice the patterns. Then, make a commitment to yourself to have a few less tick marks the next day. Or rework one negative word about yourself into a positive one. Do this daily. Self-awareness goes a long way towards self-acceptance. 
4. Do the mirror exercise. Stand in front of the mirror naked and listen to what your mind says to you. After you’ve let your mind vent a moment or two about what it sees, stop. Close your eyes, re-center yourself, then relook at the mirror, open your arms and say “I Love You”! Say this at least 5 times to start and increase it over time. It will feel very uncomfortable. But you know the saying – “fake it till you make it”. If you do it consistently, you and more importantly your mind, will believe it!